Blow, blow, blow your nose...

I've been camped out on my couch for three days now...
Somehow, in the midst of all of the merriment...
all of the holiday kisses that were bestowed on me by friends and acquaintances as well as their husbands...
SOMEONE infected me with the crud...

So as I've lain on the couch "lounging" as my family would call it ("suffering"would be a more accurate description) life has continued to march on...

Here is a list of what I have accomplished in the last three days:

1) I've watched 17 movies...none in their entirety...
some I've attempted four times... still I've dozed...

2) I've picked up as well as driven kids... in my pajamas...
that's what I do...sick or not (and moaning and weeping doesn't seem to deter family members from asking me to help them out in some way)

3) I've blown my nose exactly 3,872 times... of those blows, 3,792 were done into paper napkins because I've long since run out of my beloved Puffs Plus and only remember that fact after Tony has left for his 12 hour shift at work

4) I've taken to rubbing lip balm under my nose (see #3)

I'm feeling a tad bit better this morning, and am contemplating the best way to decontaminate my couch...

Does Lysol come in industrial strength?

SPRITZ COOKIES - DENIED!!!

We are getting down to the wire here to finish a load of things before the big guy comes on Wednesday night..

I am finding that the older I get, the less organized I seem to become, largely due to the fact that my life gets more complicated and the logistics of it all cause me to forget normal, every day things...
like my children's names...
or if Tony likes tomatoes in his salad...

He does NOT.... (as he reminded me for the 826th time just the other day)

Actually, I have never been THAT organized...
but truthfully, I am one of the few who don't stress over stuff like that...
I stress over other things...

Like why people are mean to each other...

and why...for the LOVE OF GOD... do they make full figured sized clothes with horizontal stripes??!!

I mean ... there ought to be a law...

So today I dragged myself back to the store for the 4th time in as many days and grabbed all of my baking supplies for my annual Pre-Christmas kitchen marathon...

I came home and got "the look" from my man that said "You spent waaaay too much money didn't you??!"
He doesn't scare me!
No siree!

Because I know what he likes...
and food is near the top of the list...
and sweets come in on the top of his foods list...

So in a day or so, he'll forget all about the money spent at the grocery store and be focusing on deciding which treat to eat first...

He threw me a tiny curve ball though when he said "Hey... please don't bother to make those plain cookies this year... they aren't very good and no one really eats them"

"You mean my Spritz cookies?" I inquired with disbelief in my voice.

"Yeah.... no one really likes them and they usually get tossed out"

So I took a few seconds to think about this...

the spritz cookies...

which always take me five times longer to make than any other cookie that I make...

No one likes??!!


YIPPIE!!!!!
WHOO-HOO!!!

I knew that my work had just been cut in half so instead of being insulted....
he actually made my day....

I definitely married the right guy for me!!!

B-I-N-G-O!!

In my usual style of being politically incorrect...


Walmart stands alone in the "store where you can buy just about anything" department...

But WOW! I surely do hate it (with a burning passion)

and vow never to return each and every time I walk out of there!!


I constantly am amazed at the level of rudeness that I encounter every time I shop there!


Against every fiber of my being, I ventured to the Super Walmart just the other day on a quest for Christmas goodies for GGTP #1 and GTP #2.


I entered with a spring in my step...
a grin on my face...
and a heart filled with Christmas Cheer...


I left with a much lighter wallet...
a migraine...
and a right hook that was aching to be released on one of the 47 people who either left their shopping cart in the middle of the aisle while perusing both sides in a zig-zag pattern OR coughed "at me" without even attempting to cover their mouth...


I always find myself wondering where all of the other people shopping there came from...

For instance, I never see entire families with mullets anywhere else...

not that there's anything wrong with mullets per se.... they just aren't something that I see anywhere but Walmart...


Puzzling...


My good friend L sent me this printable Bingo card to take with me next time I go so that maybe I won't get so annoyed because I will be focused on getting "four corners" or "diagonal" first. Or for those larger shopping excursions, "cover-all"...


Check it out...and feel free to print it out and take along on your next Walmart Trek!!!

Click on the mini-bingo card below to view:

How Dry I Am....

One of my BFF's is a tad bit dramatic... and she is always coming up with some reason to be concerned about her health...
This often times makes me laugh...
I am really not trying to be cruel... but sometimes I simply cannot help myself!

Her worries have ranged anywhere from early onset Alzheimer's (H-e-l-l-o!!! We ALL forget things M!!)
to
Headaches that she is convinced must be indicative of a brain tumor...

Here's an excerpt from our latest health discussion that took place a couple of days ago:

She - "My right eye is dry all the time lately"

Me - "Have you tried lubricating drops? You can buy them in the contact lens department at CVS"

She - "It's the start of something"

Me - "What?"

She - "You know.... menopause!"

Me - "Menopause???!!! What's that have to do with your eye?!"

She - "It's starting with my eye drying up... next it will be my skin.... then my "bits" (which is totally the way she refers to her "lady parts")

Me - "So you're telling me that this dry eye thing will end in your nether-regions?!" (which is what I like to call my "bits")

She - "That's EXACTLY what I'm telling you!"


I chuckled to myself about this for the rest of the day...

I mean, her reasoning is soooo silly!!!!

But now she's put that thought in my head...
and come to think of it....

MY right eye has been feeling kind of dry lately...

Specificity .... is a GOOD Thing....

Our kayak buying friend learned a valuable lesson last weekend that I felt worth passing on...

When conducting an internet search for, let's say... the store hours for the sporting goods shop where you purchased your kayaks...

TRY to be specific to ensure desired results...

He learned the hard way (pun intended) that if you aren't careful while searching, you might get an eyeful of something that could send you running to a corner to suck your thumb and cry for your mommy!!!!

I won't go into particulars, but instead will give you a general idea of the trauma that he inflicted upon himself last weekend...


(Click on image to view full size)

"DICKS" - NO

"DICKS SPORTING GOODS" - YES

R O Y G B I V Revisited

Tony and I purchased Kayaks on Black Friday...

Actually, our friend was going to fight the crowds to buy himself two kayaks, so I asked if he would please just pick up a couple more for us...

I realize that it is a tad bit more inconvenient than asking someone to pick you up a loaf of bread, but there was some serious reasoning behind this...

This way there would be two less people filling up the store...

PLUS

We were just trying to do our part to help with crowd control...

He didn't buy that story either...

Being the good guy that he is, he agreed anyway, but also hinted that he might not be willing to get up at 5 a.m. to ensure said purchase...

In the end, he scored big time and called to let us know that we were now the proud owners of shiny new kayaks...
One yellow, one red...

Only one facet of this entire experience was going to cause me stress...
I now was faced with the deciding which color I wanted...
Tony always lets me choose first.. because he's a good guy.... he wants me to be happy...
This is a good thing...

EXCEPT -

I have a terrible time making those kinds of decisions!!

It's weird... I know!!!
I've raised five children and made literally thousands of choices that were FAR more important than this, yet each and every time I am faced with a judgment call of the color palate variety, I agonize over it...

My initial reaction was "I definitely wanted the red one...."
no question about it...
Then I started wondering if I would tire of paddling around in a kayak the color of an atomic fireball...

"I may want the yellow one..." is what I announce to my guy several hours later
I'm pretty sure that this was totally, NOT a surprise to him.

Over the past several days I have vacillated like this repeatedly.

(We have been toying with idea of buying a new car and I know that a color decision of that magnitude would probably necessitate a prescription of some sort!!)

But there is good news!!!!
I've decided that I am going to stick with my original color choice... RED!!!


Most Likely...

Do You Feel Like We Do?! (About Concert Standers)

I have painstakingly recreated the scene from a recent concert that Tony and I attended...

He surprised me with tickets to see a long time favorite of mine; Peter Frampton...
The occasion was our 28th anniversary and I was totally excited and touched by such a wonderful gesture on his part....
You see, Tony never has been much of a Frampton lover...
(unlike the gentleman depicted in the front row who continually was sending "shout-outs" to Peter, professing how very much he LOVED him... By the end of it all, Peter was a little weirded out with all of the man-love this dude was sending his way...)

So basically, my man scored 100% in the gift giving department!!!

Here is a run down of the nights activities:

• Out for drinks and appetizers at a small place close to venue
• Arrive at concert and buy large cokes (to spike with spiced rum held in flask Tony smuggled in)

• I probably should mention that we are "hard-core" concert participants who grew up in the 70's, which should explain aforementioned sneaky alcohol contraband...
• We duck into a unisex single bathroom to execute our mixology...
• We make a quick dash for the entrance to our seating only to be told that "just last week, the venue changed their policy, now NO DRINKS ALLOWED!"
• Can you say, CHUG?! Because that's exactly what we did... All the planning... all the sneaking... all the rum and coke to drink!!! But we are pros... we managed....
• Concert begins...

So we get to our seats, which were right in the middle...
where you could see Peter head-on....
where the glare off of his now hairless dome magically twinkled as he sang to me... "I'm in You"...
(oddly enough, my normally intuitive husband didn't even pick up on the sexual tension between Pete and me).
(the great seats became problematic however, once all of our chugging made our bladders completely full and we had to squeeze past 50 folks in either direction and apologize again and again for the disruption on the way to the restrooms)


Five minutes into the show, a lady several rows in front of us and to the left stood up and began her dance moves which numbered exactly four, which she repeated again and again.....and again, until the conclusion of the show...

I'm not kidding....

Here's the equation, for those of you who relate better to math than to simple stories:

Venue packed with 2000 seated people ready to have fun
+ 1 lone "stander", "dancer"
= Angry Mob of approximately 1999 PO'ed people

The show was fantastic, and I surprised myself with my ability to focus on the stage and push thoughts of bb-guns and spit-wads aimed at dancing lady's head aside...

for the most part....

with only the occasional urge to stand up and shout "SIT DOWN BEE-OTCH!!!!"

See...
I AM growing up!

The pipes, the pipes are STILL calling.....

I received the following e-mail from my BFF Tracy, who as you may recall from last weeks post, just moved to Ireland from the good old US of A...

I miss her terribly...

No kidding....

She is learning many new things as you will see by reading the following:

(I am going to suggest she begin writing these things down so that she can publish a self-help guide to acclimating to Ireland for Yanks...)

She can then use the proceeds to purchase roundtrip tickets for Tony and I to come for a visit...


Hey!!
We haven't really got web Internet access in my home yet- but I wanted to send you a quick email about things that we have learned.

1. I can't drive on the other side of the road. I stink at this real bad.

2. If you want a hot bath/shower, you have to manually turn on the water heater switch each time.

3. Estate means subdivision- Green means yard and/or grass.

4. A skip is a dumpster

5. Don't order iced tea----ever- (This was Scott's lesson-)

6. The dollar doesn't go as far as it used to---

7. The washer is also a dryer-It took us 4 loads to figure the sucker out- but we got it now baby!

8. There is a light on the dishwasher that reads "salt" and it is lit- WTH?

9. You can't get a bank account without utilities in your name & you can't get utilities without a local bank account. haha.

10. There is an "isolator" button the bathroom- I am afraid to push it.

11. When you turn on the heater buttons, this may help heat your water?!#

12. The bread/food is delicious- they have riper mango here than in FL????

13. Yummy butter.

14. Yummy Chocolate

15. I am not going to lose weight.

16. My phone number is 045-987654 Weird, huh? (number has been changed to protect her from stalkers)

17. I don't think that people are in love with my accent.

18. All the clocks show military time- My math stinks...this is a problem.

19. I can see sheep grazing from my backyard or green or whatever.

20. When retrieving voice messages, you are supposed to press the "hash"---What is that? Just don't leave a voice message, because I can't retrieve them...

21. When people tell you that they are going to "call"- expect a visit not a telephone call- that would be a "ring."

Okay- That is all I got- I'll send pics when I get Internet. How is everybody? We should have email by next week- but I'll try to stop by the office sooner & check on things...

xox,

me

Just in case you wanted to know how I replied:

So glad to 'hear' from you!!!!
I miss you tons already!!

Since you left I learned a few things too:

• I can't drive on the other side of the road either...

(the policeman that pulled me over said so!)...JK

• We have yummy butter and chocolate too...

• I'm not going to lose weight

Did I mention I miss you?!!

xo Jackie

Reason # 762 why I LOVE playing on the internet!!!

My Blog Buddy Sue over at As Cape Cod Turns
had posted a funny one of these on her site...
It made me laugh SOOOO HARD, that I just HAD to try it out casting myself and Tony as the lead dancers...
I'm still laughing...

Must...

Stop....

Laughing....

(before I pee myself a little)


Ummmm...... Too late..... ;)

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

I love ya' tomorrow.... Your only a day away....

Overheard Yesterday:

4 yr old GGT: "Umm... I'm soooo sorry, I can't come over tomorrow, cuz I'm going to Bill and Marianne's to see Bella and ride on Bill's tractor"

Intense listening while person on the other end of phone responds to this news...

"Okay, I will come....

But not tomorrow,

I'll have to come another morrow...."

PRICELESS!!!

The pipes, the pipes are calling.....

One of my BFF's announced recently that she is moving to Ireland...
This news is bittersweet, because on one hand, I could not be happier for her...
she and her family REALLY wanted this...
However...
My heart feels heavy and my eyes keep threatening to leak...

Though I am sad, I am willing to push that aside and support her 100%

I have given considerable thought to what I can do to show her that I have her back.

In the spirit of friendship,
I have decided to brush up on my Irish vernacular so that I can give her an edge in her new community...

1. When in a public place, if you find yourself in need of a bathroom, ask for the location of the Loo or the Jacks. If you ask where the restroom is... they'll look at you funny and make fun of you when you leave...

2. When in a pub, if you need to "go"#2...
see #1...
Because if you ask for the crapper, you'll end up with a half glass of whiskey

3. If you are in a pub and someone says they are pissed, don't proceed to tell them where the bathroom is... or think that they are mad at you...
Pissed means having had too much to drink... aka drunk...

A great way to fit in would be to try and speak with an Irish accent...
It will be EASY!
I've watched "Waking Ned Devine" and Disney's "Luck of the Irish" as well as Lucky Charms commercials for most of my life and I think I've got it down...

Instead of using the "er" sound for E-R, simply replace with "ahr" (think pirate)
Also, when a word ends in "ng", simply drop the "g" sound..
When referring to yourself in ways that you would normally use "my" use "me" instead...

So in lieu of saying a normal, everyday Irish phrase with an American accent, for example,

"Saints Preserve us! What are you doing?"

Try saying:

"Saints Pre-sahr-ve us! What ahr you doin'?

(okay... I'll admit it....I grabbed that line from the aforementioned Disney film... where they used that particular line often... I cannot personally guarantee the authenticity of the phrase)

I took the liberty of creating an ID badge that she can wear for the first few months to make it easier for the locals to accept her as one of their own...
It will also cover her if she slips and forgets to use her convincing Irish accent...



You'll be able to follow her journey on her website...

Give Me a V! Give me a O!....

I heard someone talking about elections past, and how there are a certain percentage of voters that assume that they know how the vote will go, based on media predictions, etc... They were commenting that some voters actually don't bother voting if they think that their candidate isn't going to win...
CRAZY!!!!

To those folks I say...
Don't Assume...
(it makes an ass out of you and me...
actually it just makes an ass out of you!

Get out there and VOTE!

Have your say... it matters!

Bum-mer....

In the "spirit" of tomorrows occasion....

When my older kids were little (they are all 'growed-up' now and have kids of their own) we relocated to Florida from Massachusetts, which is where my husband is from and we lived for many years...

If you've never spoke to anyone who is from Mass., they have a language all their own, which they speak with a very unique accent...

They pahk cahs (park cars)...
They also drink tauwnic (tonic) which is what they call any kind of soda including, Pepsi, Root Beer & Mountain Dew...
They have cute words for things... for instance, they call posteriors, "bums", which is what my kids grew up referring to their hineys as...

Shortly before the first Halloween after we settled into our new life in the tropics, my nieces came over for a visit...

I overheard a conversation between my two oldest boys and my niece that went something like this:

Niece: Hey Cuz... what are you going to be for Halloween?

Son # 1: I don't know...

Son #2: Me either...

Son #1: What are you going to be?

Niece: Probably a bum...

*** Dead Silence****

Followed by giggles and much hilarity between my 2 boys...

Son #1: How are you going to do that??!!!

This is the point where I intervened and informed all parties that there was a tiny communication gap and why...

We all cracked up over this over and over....

One last thing...

Do you know why ghosts cannot have children?




Give up???






Because they have Hollow-weanies!!

Have fun and BE SAFE this Halloween...

SHOCKING!!

Guilty Pleasure #842

I know the first step to admitting that you have a problem is telling someone.

To be totally honest with you, I'm not prepared to do that, because although my fascination with pop culture is great... it is still within the norm.

Norm being a relative term...

My guilty pleasure came in the mail a couple of days ago in the form of a magazine to which I received a free subscription six months ago. It's one of those magazine that adorns it's cover with celebrity photos along with words like "SHOCKING!" and "EXCLUSIVE!"...

When it arrives, Tony always sighs and says something along the lines of "Jackie!! Why is this crap coming in the mail?!!! I cannot even believe the fact that you read this junk!!!" (I cleaned this up a bit for your delicate ears)

That's usually when I say something like "Don't judge me.... I like to look at the pictures!!" Occasionally, I'll revert to my 11 year old self and toss in "You are NOT the boss of me!!!"

So the other day, when this weeks issue arrived in the same delivery as TV Guide,
(which is also a guilty pleasure because I count on it to see what's on love to read about what's coming up, breaking news and cheers and jeers...fellow readers will understand)
Tony came through the door announcing that the mail had arrived. I was working, so I wasn't focusing on home, but rather on work...

A few minutes later I heard him laughing, which on it's own wasn't that out of the ordinary...
I mean, he's a funny guy, which is part of the reason why he and I have worked out so well for all of these years. I figured that something on TV was the cause...

I continued working...


Several minutes later, I heard more laughter as he walked up with my magazine in hand to show me some pictures of stars without makeup (looking at them constitutes guilty pleasure # 201 ... but more on that later)

I didn't say a word, but filed the incident away for the next time he calls me out about one of my "things" that I love and he doesn't...


Hey Pot! It's me Kettle!

Politically Incorrect Moves - The Early Years

Flashback -
Early Months 1969-

Although I was still a little girl, my older sisters and brothers were beginning to leave our nest to start lives of their own.

I was the flower girl in my sister Vicki's (T.V.'s) wedding when I was three.....
(and a darned cute one if I do say so myself!)

Naturally, as with many young, married couples, she and her husband decided to have a baby...

Although I was very young, I remember the excitement that the entire family experienced...
I remember my Mom making comments to other family members regarding the fact that she was VERY young to be a Grandmother...

I remember having a few things to say on the subject too...
Things that seemed highly sensible to my six year old self...

Like I hoped it was a girl because I always wanted a baby sister and since my Mom would never cooperate with me, a niece would have to do...

Like I hoped that it would be healthy...


and cute...


and white...


You heard right...
I said it alright!!!

But hold your horses for a second...

before you get all "oh my gosh! how could she have just said that?!"

I want to point out a few important facts...

Remember... I was six....

• I had NO idea about the birds and the bees...
• I desperately wanted a fake little sister, who would really be my niece, but who I could still boss around...
• Even at six, I knew that good health was essential and that cute couldn't hurt...
• At six, I also knew that white matched the rest of the family and I figured that couldn't hurt either...

I can still remember the reaction that my last statement received...

first stunned...

then hysterical...

I remember thinking how dumb they all were for laughing at a perfectly good wish list...
Incidentally, all of my wishes came true...

But my tendencies to say the wrong thing without meaning to offend, unfortunately are just part of who I am...

I frankly don't care about black, white, purple or blue...
But put me in a room filled with plaid, and I'm bound to say something about kilts or tartans or something else that I've never even thought of saying before...

I think it's a birth defect...
One that I live with every darned day...

I'm beginning to think that our gene pool could use some chlorine...

Great Google Goggles!!

Okay, so I was reading Time magazine over the weekend because I like to keep my finger on the pulse of the world...

I know...
Even I can't keep a straight face while speaking (or typing) that sentence!

To be perfectly honest, I do enjoy skimming through it each week, and occasionally, I do glean a thing or two about what's going on beyond the 20 mile radius of what I like to call "my life"

A small article caught my eye in this weeks edition.

It was about a new feature that google is offering for their e-mail users. I happen to be one of them, so obviously I wanted to know what was in it for me...

Seriously...

The new feature is called "Mail Goggles"

Don't confuse this with male goggles, which although highly effective in the pool, don't provide one lick of help with your e-mail



or Beer Goggles, which are more helpful to desperate folks who are trying to "find friends" in all the wrong places...


Any-whooo..
Tap-tap-tap... is this mic on?

Right!
Mail Goggles!

I ran to my computer to find out what the heck this was all about and low and behold, right in the setting section was the option to utilize this new feature.

Here is the description given to describe this fabulous invention:

"Google strives to make the world's information useful. Mail you send late night on the weekends may be useful but you may regret it the next morning. Solve some simple math problems and you're good to go. Otherwise, get a good night's sleep and try again in the morning. After enabling this feature, you can adjust the schedule in the "General" settings page."

Fantastic!!!!

Now I am totally up the creek, because not only I am a night owl, but occasionally, even when I am stone-cold sober, I have difficulty performing mental math...

I do, however, know a few people who could benefit from this unique setting, and will be emailing to share this info with them right away...


Or as soon as I can solve a couple of math problems...


This may take a while...

Are YOU looking at ME?!

I Left My Heart in....

I have a problem with several of my 'peeps'...
or maybe it's they who have a problem with me...
Some of these friends actually get angry with me for my allegiance to the sports teams that first gave me that warm and fuzzy feeling that only your true love can...

The Red Sox, Bruins and the NE Patriots...

Maybe it's because they come from the same place as where the life that I now lead began...

where I met my guy nearly 30 years ago...

where 4 of my 5 children were born...

where I lost my....




car keys once.
(get your minds out of the gutter for Pete's sake!!)

I do root for the home teams here as well...
and they have served us well over the last several years-

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Super Bowl XXXVII Champions

The Tampa Bay Lightning - 2004 Stanley Cup Champions

The Tampa Bay Rays - 2008 AL East Division Champions
(participating in the playoffs for a shot at the World Series Title)

I always root for these, my now home teams...

That is, UNLESS...
The Patriots, Bruins, or Red Sox are playing against them...

So you can probably understand now why this is a problem for some of my die hard Tampa Bay buds...

They don't understand.

As happens sometimes in life, my love is misunderstood...


So just so we're straight here, I'll run it down for you once again -

During these AL Playoffs... I am rooting like crazy for the Rays to win thier series against the White Sox...
But, I am also rooting for the Red Sox (i them) to beat the Angels...

Given all of those facts, we both know what is going to happen if they both beat their opponents and have to face each other for the coveted slot in the World Series...

I'll have to close all of my shades and sit on the edge of my seat alone to watch those games...

or risk having the crap beat out of me...

PS - Leslie... now everyone will know it was you (and Len) if anything happens to me!

I Saw the Signs....

It's happened...

Just like out of a scary movie...

My deepest, darkest fears about the lurkers near my front door came to be last night...

Son #2 stopped over for a visit and when he opened the door to come in...

It slipped (or jumped) in virtually unnoticed by #2...

We're talking I-N-S-I-D-E!!! My house!!!

I had a feeling weeks ago about these guys!!

I KNEW what they were up to...

Though my family thought I was being a bit paranoid...

I saw the signs... especially when I looked at this one -

After I shrieked like an 8 year old girl the following conversation ensued:


"TONY!!! Get over here!!! There is a frog in the house!!!"

"So GET it!"

"Look! I'll get spiders, I'll get moths when they occasionally sneak in with visitors....
But I AM NOT GETTING A FROG!!!"

"Jackie! You are being ridiculous!!!"

"I'm totally okay with you thinking that way about me...
just please get your butt over here and GET-HIM-OUT!!!!!"

Several attempts and a successful capture in a size 11 shoebox later, he was relocated to the OUTSIDE of the house where he belongs...

"He was scared...poor guy" Tony told me after it was all over...

"Don't buy into that.... it was just an act... to gain sympathy from someone on the 'inside'...
They want allies"

"You ARE crazy! You know that right?!"

"That's right... I'm crazy alright...Crazy like a Fox!"

But I'm already worried what their next move will be...

As I said before...

If you stop hearing from me... Call 911

Because the way this guy, who I'm pretty sure is the ringleader, keeps staring at me...

I'm sure he's thinking up something...










"

Are You With Me Here?

Don't think I'm getting all crazy-political-power on you, but I HAVE to mention how very sick I am of all of the Election hype that is going on as usual, because of the upcoming election.

I've come up with my own solution to the confusing hard-to-believe spins that every candidate puts on their campaign.
My idea would cut to the chase...
Spare us all from having to listen to all the mudslinging and ridiculous promises...
It would actually revolutionize the entire electoral process...
With this new process, there would be no TV ads... no photo ops... no bashing... no empty promises...

Here's how it would work:

First, each candidate would should be sequestered to a room where they have no one to assist them in filling out a job application. They are after all, trying for a job... a BIG job.

Secondly, they would have to fill out a questionnaire where they have to answer 50 questions about themselves and their values. Their answers would have to only be about themselves and they would be disqualified if any of their answers mentioned, in any way, the other candidate. This way, they would have to sell themselves, based on themselves, and not by using the other guy as a measuring stick. (i.e. My favorite color is green....HIS favorite color is red, which OBVIOUSLY tells you that he is sympathetic to communist views! As everyone knows, it's a proven fact that people who prefer green are better in every way...)

Next, they would have to write up a contract themselves including specifics of what they are planning to accomplish in office, which legally would bind them to any promises that they are trying to sell themselves to the American people by making.
Breach of this contract would be punishable by death
(not really, but it DID sound dramatic)
If they break their contract, they are out... and the runner up shall take their place... Just like the Miss America Pageant!

Finally, they would have to write a 500 word essay which would answer a question that would be completely random and that would force them to think outside the box, without the help of professional writers. For example: "If I had to be a musical instrument I would be...." or "The reason I do/don't like soap operas is...."
You know, something that will REALLY throw them off and make them think on their feet...

Every voter would view the results the night before the election and that way everyone could take an evening to mull it over before heading to the polls the next day...

I think this could actually work!

Are You With Me Here?

Birthdayfest, Part XII.....

In honor of my ongoing birthday celebration, Son #1 took me to his favorite restaurant...

It was fancy and fabulous!! It was actually the best dining experience ever...

This was a surprise that the waitress brought us at the end of the meal...

It was a mountain of vanilla ice cream with smashed up heath bars all over the top...

The writing on the plate was done in chocolate syrup and I was sooooo glad that someone finally got the years right!

Bacardi 151 was poured on top, table side and then it was lit on fire...

The flavors came together in a wonderful way!

Don't you just love birthdays?!

Why, Yes It Is!!! Thanks For Asking!!

It's FINALLY arrived....

My BIG Day....

I'm pretty darned siked...
except that already, one of my kids forgot...

(although he didn't forget to ask me to do him a favor as he rushed out the door...)

At least my GGT #1 is nearly as excited as I am about my birthday...

He wants to know what kind of cake we're going to have...
and will he get a goodie bag... (which makes me wonder? What do grown-up goodie bags have in them? Airline sized bottles of Bacardi?)
and if he will get to out to lunch too....

I think I'm detecting a theme in the thought process he is having....

That's alright though...
I appreciate any and all support for the betterment of my birthday...

I've got Birthday-ing to do here people!!

Enjoy MY special day in your own special way!


PS - Check out this special post on my sisters blog which she made just for me!!!
She ROCKS!!

(If anyone else wants to pay tribute to me on this VERY special day, I won't be offended ;)

This Joint is Hopping...

I have a problem...

I have noticed a disturbing trend happening on my front porch over the last several weeks...

After the sun has gone, and the time to turn on the light outside my front door has come...

Something else arrives...

Without fail...



As fascinating as they are....

I'm a little creeped out by them...

Now I KNOW they are only there for the all-you-can-eat buffet of bugs that are attracted to the porch light... Right?!?

But I get the distinct feeling that they are watching me...



One jumped on my arm the other day when I was getting my keys out to unlock the door...

The embarrassing spectacle that followed was not pretty at all...

(the above picture is a re-creation of the actual event that took place on my front porch)

Anyone have any ideas?
(No, I WILL NOT kiss them... just in case they are princes in need of disenchantment)
(We're all out of BB's)

But Honestly...
Do you think I should I be worried about this guy?


If you stop hearing from me...
Call 911...