I Saw the Signs....

It's happened...

Just like out of a scary movie...

My deepest, darkest fears about the lurkers near my front door came to be last night...

Son #2 stopped over for a visit and when he opened the door to come in...

It slipped (or jumped) in virtually unnoticed by #2...

We're talking I-N-S-I-D-E!!! My house!!!

I had a feeling weeks ago about these guys!!

I KNEW what they were up to...

Though my family thought I was being a bit paranoid...

I saw the signs... especially when I looked at this one -

After I shrieked like an 8 year old girl the following conversation ensued:


"TONY!!! Get over here!!! There is a frog in the house!!!"

"So GET it!"

"Look! I'll get spiders, I'll get moths when they occasionally sneak in with visitors....
But I AM NOT GETTING A FROG!!!"

"Jackie! You are being ridiculous!!!"

"I'm totally okay with you thinking that way about me...
just please get your butt over here and GET-HIM-OUT!!!!!"

Several attempts and a successful capture in a size 11 shoebox later, he was relocated to the OUTSIDE of the house where he belongs...

"He was scared...poor guy" Tony told me after it was all over...

"Don't buy into that.... it was just an act... to gain sympathy from someone on the 'inside'...
They want allies"

"You ARE crazy! You know that right?!"

"That's right... I'm crazy alright...Crazy like a Fox!"

But I'm already worried what their next move will be...

As I said before...

If you stop hearing from me... Call 911

Because the way this guy, who I'm pretty sure is the ringleader, keeps staring at me...

I'm sure he's thinking up something...










"

Are You With Me Here?

Don't think I'm getting all crazy-political-power on you, but I HAVE to mention how very sick I am of all of the Election hype that is going on as usual, because of the upcoming election.

I've come up with my own solution to the confusing hard-to-believe spins that every candidate puts on their campaign.
My idea would cut to the chase...
Spare us all from having to listen to all the mudslinging and ridiculous promises...
It would actually revolutionize the entire electoral process...
With this new process, there would be no TV ads... no photo ops... no bashing... no empty promises...

Here's how it would work:

First, each candidate would should be sequestered to a room where they have no one to assist them in filling out a job application. They are after all, trying for a job... a BIG job.

Secondly, they would have to fill out a questionnaire where they have to answer 50 questions about themselves and their values. Their answers would have to only be about themselves and they would be disqualified if any of their answers mentioned, in any way, the other candidate. This way, they would have to sell themselves, based on themselves, and not by using the other guy as a measuring stick. (i.e. My favorite color is green....HIS favorite color is red, which OBVIOUSLY tells you that he is sympathetic to communist views! As everyone knows, it's a proven fact that people who prefer green are better in every way...)

Next, they would have to write up a contract themselves including specifics of what they are planning to accomplish in office, which legally would bind them to any promises that they are trying to sell themselves to the American people by making.
Breach of this contract would be punishable by death
(not really, but it DID sound dramatic)
If they break their contract, they are out... and the runner up shall take their place... Just like the Miss America Pageant!

Finally, they would have to write a 500 word essay which would answer a question that would be completely random and that would force them to think outside the box, without the help of professional writers. For example: "If I had to be a musical instrument I would be...." or "The reason I do/don't like soap operas is...."
You know, something that will REALLY throw them off and make them think on their feet...

Every voter would view the results the night before the election and that way everyone could take an evening to mull it over before heading to the polls the next day...

I think this could actually work!

Are You With Me Here?

Birthdayfest, Part XII.....

In honor of my ongoing birthday celebration, Son #1 took me to his favorite restaurant...

It was fancy and fabulous!! It was actually the best dining experience ever...

This was a surprise that the waitress brought us at the end of the meal...

It was a mountain of vanilla ice cream with smashed up heath bars all over the top...

The writing on the plate was done in chocolate syrup and I was sooooo glad that someone finally got the years right!

Bacardi 151 was poured on top, table side and then it was lit on fire...

The flavors came together in a wonderful way!

Don't you just love birthdays?!

Why, Yes It Is!!! Thanks For Asking!!

It's FINALLY arrived....

My BIG Day....

I'm pretty darned siked...
except that already, one of my kids forgot...

(although he didn't forget to ask me to do him a favor as he rushed out the door...)

At least my GGT #1 is nearly as excited as I am about my birthday...

He wants to know what kind of cake we're going to have...
and will he get a goodie bag... (which makes me wonder? What do grown-up goodie bags have in them? Airline sized bottles of Bacardi?)
and if he will get to out to lunch too....

I think I'm detecting a theme in the thought process he is having....

That's alright though...
I appreciate any and all support for the betterment of my birthday...

I've got Birthday-ing to do here people!!

Enjoy MY special day in your own special way!


PS - Check out this special post on my sisters blog which she made just for me!!!
She ROCKS!!

(If anyone else wants to pay tribute to me on this VERY special day, I won't be offended ;)

This Joint is Hopping...

I have a problem...

I have noticed a disturbing trend happening on my front porch over the last several weeks...

After the sun has gone, and the time to turn on the light outside my front door has come...

Something else arrives...

Without fail...



As fascinating as they are....

I'm a little creeped out by them...

Now I KNOW they are only there for the all-you-can-eat buffet of bugs that are attracted to the porch light... Right?!?

But I get the distinct feeling that they are watching me...



One jumped on my arm the other day when I was getting my keys out to unlock the door...

The embarrassing spectacle that followed was not pretty at all...

(the above picture is a re-creation of the actual event that took place on my front porch)

Anyone have any ideas?
(No, I WILL NOT kiss them... just in case they are princes in need of disenchantment)
(We're all out of BB's)

But Honestly...
Do you think I should I be worried about this guy?


If you stop hearing from me...
Call 911...

Ready, Set, Noodle!!

In recognition of the terrible injustices in this
world including, but not limited to, and in no
particular order, rising taxes, unaffordable health care,
war, my daughter not getting her rightful title,
and there being no cure for stupid,
I've chosen one of these problems (randomly) and prepared a
report card to address this horrible issue today...

I should also mention that I have been stocking up on pool noodles and hope
that you will be willing to stand up for this issue with me...
Remember!!
Actions speak LOUDER than words!!

And there are some sophomores out there who need to be taught a lesson!

Stupid Word Trick...

Have you ever looked at a word or name quickly and your brain registers something similar yet different than what is actually written...

Now I don't believe that this is genetic, because I've witnessed loads of other people do it to whom I am not related to, although I will say that my family is prone to these experiences...

Yesterday, I had a moment similar to my sisters Janine Lee-Aither fiasco...

But without the Bible...

And I was at home, not at church...


I was listening to Slacker Radio, which is what I usually have on while I am sitting at my computer working, when a song came on that sounded like old school Frank Sinatra or some other rat-packer... kinda cool and peppy...

Did I just say "peppy"???

Let's just keep that between us, okay?

Well, I glanced up to see who it was and thought that maybe they had made a mistake...
I mean, it sounded like a man.

But it said Michelle...
Michelle Bubble, to be exact...

I'd never heard of her... but DAMN! She's GOOD!!!
I made a mental note to look her up on itunes!!

I took a second look and started laughing...

Out Loud...

To Myself...

(which is the type of behavior that usually prompts my family to look at me funny and slowly shake their heads in disbelief...)

Okay, I admit it!
I made a mistake!!

Actually, it was Michael Bublé... not Michelle Bubble...
As great as that voice was, I must admit that I was relieved that it was a man...
Because a woman with a voice like that might find it hard to get a date...

I was also relieved that he didn't have to walk around with the last name 'Bubble'...
I can only imagine the nicknames a last name like that could get you...

Bubble-Butt
Bubble-icious
Bubble-Head

So if you aren't familiar with old Bubble Butt Michael Bublé, check him out! He's fantastic!



PS- Incidentally, I just realized it's only 7 more days to B-day! (not to be confused with D-Day which had absolutely nothing to do with my birthday!) ;)

The Kind that's NOT from the Netherlands...

My daughter has decided to run for homecoming 'court' which has left me with two very distinct feelings.

First of all, I feel happy that her self-esteem is at a level where she would actually put herself out there in this way. (last year I actually encouraged her to throw her name in the ring and she said absolutely not because she said she could NEVER win)

Secondly, I feel scared that after the voting, if she doesn't 'make it', she will feel like she isn't 'good enough', which will then make me want to beat the sophomore voters over the head with pool noodle and ask them what is wrong with them for making such a terrible mistake!!!
(as well as insisting that they do a recount!)

All of this leads to the fact that she and one of her friends were creating posters to place around the school the other day...

I was trying to give them suggestions for campaign slogans to which her friend was politely laughing and my darling daughter was rolling her eyes...

As they went to write on these posters, I reminded them to be sure to spell everything correctly...
No one wants to vote for poor spellers...
(that's my story and I'm sticking to it)

They said 'Duchess' is spelled D-u-t-c-h-e-s-s, right?

No, I said, there is not a 'T' in Duchess...
They weren't convinced so I went to dictionary.com and proved it to them once and for all...

They were relieved to make this discovery BEFORE they began 'postering'...

A couple of days later, another girl was over and said that my daughter's posters were the only ones that spelled Duchess right...

I overheard my daughter telling her friend that only stupid people would vote for someone who misspells the title that they are running for...

We'll soon see....

Fingers Crossed!!

And now I'm wondering what MY title will be if she wins...

Grand Duchess??
(I'll admit it.... I LIKE the sound of THAT!)

Will Tony be known as Duke after that?

or Grand Duke?

Do you think I should wait until AFTER the vote to change our titles in the phone book to reflect our possible new royal titles?

Apocalypse.... NOW?

This totally cracked me up!

A friend and I were recently discussing school shopping with our teenagers at the mall....

I was mentioning my #4 son's attention to detail with his wardrobe and how he suddenly loves all things Pacsun... especially the mens skinny jeans...

My daughter on the other hand, can find stuff at several mall stores that she likes, as well as Target...

This woman was telling me that her daughter LOVES the 'Apocalypse Store'

I know...

I was confused for a second too...

"You mean Aeropostale?" I said

'Aeropostale... Apocalypse... What's the difference?!' was her reply

"Ummmmm... one's a store and one's a movie" was my response

'Now you're splitting hairs!' was her final comment
(and the end of our conversation...)

Sistahs...

My big sister came to visit me recently...

Before you conjure up visions of all 5'3 1/2" of me walking through the mall with a 7'2" sibling, I should let you know that we are exactly the same height...
and without giving away too many secrets about myself...
I will say, that although I'm sure she could hold her own against the likes of, let's say, someone like Jennifer Aniston if Jen "threw down' with her...
She wouldn't stand a chance against me, based on the laws of physics...
(which is my nice was of saying, I'm the 'BIG' sister, if you're not counting age to measure)

It's funny how at 45 I am still the baby sister...
I've realized that when it comes to sisterhood, my age has absolutely NO RELEVANCE...
As far as being a sister goes, I only know how to be a 'little' one...

It's totally my mother's fault...
I BEGGED her to have another baby...
She would always just chuckle and say things like "I don't think so"...

But she KNEW SO... because once, when I was around 10, I was enjoying perusing through her dresser drawers looking at all of her scarfs, costume jewelry and evening gloves
(which incidentally, ALL moms were REQUIRED to own back-in-the-day)
when I came across a funny looking package that housed a bunch of small pills arranged in a circle....
I didn't learn exactly what they were until quite a few years later, and when I did, I instantly understood why Mom would chuckle while saying she didn't think so...

It doesn't really matter though...
Because Big or Little, Oldest or Youngest...
We're still just SISTERS

We have the best time just being sisterly...
While she was here we shopped, ate, and went to the movies with some of my friends...
We laughed a lot...
We cried a little (because we miss our Mom)...
Then we laughed some more...

But mostly we just embraced our roles in each others lives...

Big Sister & Little Sister...