Say WHAT?!

Years ago, when my first son was around nine or so, he posed a question that blindsided me. I mean, I was totally taken off guard and ill prepared to answer him.

‘What’s a condom?’ he asked.

Wow! I knew that sooner or later this type of inquiry would come my way, but I figured that I had a bit more time to prepare.

‘I’m a mature adult, I can handle it, right?’, I thought to myself…

I believe I’ve already established the fact that when it comes to what strikes me funny, I am a bit warped, so it may not surprise you that at this point, not only was I feeling stressed, but the thought of having to use correct anatomical names as I was delicately treading these uncharted waters, was making me feel like a giggle might bubble out of me any second.

My talk went something like this –

Blah Blah Blah… Married people….yadda yadda yadda….love each other

Cut to the technical stuff….

Blah blah blah…. wiener penis (chuckle being suppressed)…. blah blah blah

Yadda yadda yadda…

Blotches appearing on my chest and neck (another of my ‘issues’)

DOING IT intercourse… (another snicker contained)… yada yada… wonderful thing……MARRIED people do… etc…etc….

The entire conversation took maybe five minutes, but felt like five hundred minutes, at least!

Once I finished, I remember feeling a huge sense of relief, as well as some pride in myself for overcoming my childish embarrassment and handling another parenting challenge successfully.

I decided it would be appropriate to ask if he had any questions for me once I finished.

“No” he said “But I thought they were a place where you live… you know, like an apartment!”

Oh - my - gosh!

I am SUCH a loser!