Bum-mer....

In the "spirit" of tomorrows occasion....

When my older kids were little (they are all 'growed-up' now and have kids of their own) we relocated to Florida from Massachusetts, which is where my husband is from and we lived for many years...

If you've never spoke to anyone who is from Mass., they have a language all their own, which they speak with a very unique accent...

They pahk cahs (park cars)...
They also drink tauwnic (tonic) which is what they call any kind of soda including, Pepsi, Root Beer & Mountain Dew...
They have cute words for things... for instance, they call posteriors, "bums", which is what my kids grew up referring to their hineys as...

Shortly before the first Halloween after we settled into our new life in the tropics, my nieces came over for a visit...

I overheard a conversation between my two oldest boys and my niece that went something like this:

Niece: Hey Cuz... what are you going to be for Halloween?

Son # 1: I don't know...

Son #2: Me either...

Son #1: What are you going to be?

Niece: Probably a bum...

*** Dead Silence****

Followed by giggles and much hilarity between my 2 boys...

Son #1: How are you going to do that??!!!

This is the point where I intervened and informed all parties that there was a tiny communication gap and why...

We all cracked up over this over and over....

One last thing...

Do you know why ghosts cannot have children?




Give up???






Because they have Hollow-weanies!!

Have fun and BE SAFE this Halloween...

SHOCKING!!

Guilty Pleasure #842

I know the first step to admitting that you have a problem is telling someone.

To be totally honest with you, I'm not prepared to do that, because although my fascination with pop culture is great... it is still within the norm.

Norm being a relative term...

My guilty pleasure came in the mail a couple of days ago in the form of a magazine to which I received a free subscription six months ago. It's one of those magazine that adorns it's cover with celebrity photos along with words like "SHOCKING!" and "EXCLUSIVE!"...

When it arrives, Tony always sighs and says something along the lines of "Jackie!! Why is this crap coming in the mail?!!! I cannot even believe the fact that you read this junk!!!" (I cleaned this up a bit for your delicate ears)

That's usually when I say something like "Don't judge me.... I like to look at the pictures!!" Occasionally, I'll revert to my 11 year old self and toss in "You are NOT the boss of me!!!"

So the other day, when this weeks issue arrived in the same delivery as TV Guide,
(which is also a guilty pleasure because I count on it to see what's on love to read about what's coming up, breaking news and cheers and jeers...fellow readers will understand)
Tony came through the door announcing that the mail had arrived. I was working, so I wasn't focusing on home, but rather on work...

A few minutes later I heard him laughing, which on it's own wasn't that out of the ordinary...
I mean, he's a funny guy, which is part of the reason why he and I have worked out so well for all of these years. I figured that something on TV was the cause...

I continued working...


Several minutes later, I heard more laughter as he walked up with my magazine in hand to show me some pictures of stars without makeup (looking at them constitutes guilty pleasure # 201 ... but more on that later)

I didn't say a word, but filed the incident away for the next time he calls me out about one of my "things" that I love and he doesn't...


Hey Pot! It's me Kettle!

Politically Incorrect Moves - The Early Years

Flashback -
Early Months 1969-

Although I was still a little girl, my older sisters and brothers were beginning to leave our nest to start lives of their own.

I was the flower girl in my sister Vicki's (T.V.'s) wedding when I was three.....
(and a darned cute one if I do say so myself!)

Naturally, as with many young, married couples, she and her husband decided to have a baby...

Although I was very young, I remember the excitement that the entire family experienced...
I remember my Mom making comments to other family members regarding the fact that she was VERY young to be a Grandmother...

I remember having a few things to say on the subject too...
Things that seemed highly sensible to my six year old self...

Like I hoped it was a girl because I always wanted a baby sister and since my Mom would never cooperate with me, a niece would have to do...

Like I hoped that it would be healthy...


and cute...


and white...


You heard right...
I said it alright!!!

But hold your horses for a second...

before you get all "oh my gosh! how could she have just said that?!"

I want to point out a few important facts...

Remember... I was six....

• I had NO idea about the birds and the bees...
• I desperately wanted a fake little sister, who would really be my niece, but who I could still boss around...
• Even at six, I knew that good health was essential and that cute couldn't hurt...
• At six, I also knew that white matched the rest of the family and I figured that couldn't hurt either...

I can still remember the reaction that my last statement received...

first stunned...

then hysterical...

I remember thinking how dumb they all were for laughing at a perfectly good wish list...
Incidentally, all of my wishes came true...

But my tendencies to say the wrong thing without meaning to offend, unfortunately are just part of who I am...

I frankly don't care about black, white, purple or blue...
But put me in a room filled with plaid, and I'm bound to say something about kilts or tartans or something else that I've never even thought of saying before...

I think it's a birth defect...
One that I live with every darned day...

I'm beginning to think that our gene pool could use some chlorine...

Great Google Goggles!!

Okay, so I was reading Time magazine over the weekend because I like to keep my finger on the pulse of the world...

I know...
Even I can't keep a straight face while speaking (or typing) that sentence!

To be perfectly honest, I do enjoy skimming through it each week, and occasionally, I do glean a thing or two about what's going on beyond the 20 mile radius of what I like to call "my life"

A small article caught my eye in this weeks edition.

It was about a new feature that google is offering for their e-mail users. I happen to be one of them, so obviously I wanted to know what was in it for me...

Seriously...

The new feature is called "Mail Goggles"

Don't confuse this with male goggles, which although highly effective in the pool, don't provide one lick of help with your e-mail



or Beer Goggles, which are more helpful to desperate folks who are trying to "find friends" in all the wrong places...


Any-whooo..
Tap-tap-tap... is this mic on?

Right!
Mail Goggles!

I ran to my computer to find out what the heck this was all about and low and behold, right in the setting section was the option to utilize this new feature.

Here is the description given to describe this fabulous invention:

"Google strives to make the world's information useful. Mail you send late night on the weekends may be useful but you may regret it the next morning. Solve some simple math problems and you're good to go. Otherwise, get a good night's sleep and try again in the morning. After enabling this feature, you can adjust the schedule in the "General" settings page."

Fantastic!!!!

Now I am totally up the creek, because not only I am a night owl, but occasionally, even when I am stone-cold sober, I have difficulty performing mental math...

I do, however, know a few people who could benefit from this unique setting, and will be emailing to share this info with them right away...


Or as soon as I can solve a couple of math problems...


This may take a while...

Are YOU looking at ME?!

I Left My Heart in....

I have a problem with several of my 'peeps'...
or maybe it's they who have a problem with me...
Some of these friends actually get angry with me for my allegiance to the sports teams that first gave me that warm and fuzzy feeling that only your true love can...

The Red Sox, Bruins and the NE Patriots...

Maybe it's because they come from the same place as where the life that I now lead began...

where I met my guy nearly 30 years ago...

where 4 of my 5 children were born...

where I lost my....




car keys once.
(get your minds out of the gutter for Pete's sake!!)

I do root for the home teams here as well...
and they have served us well over the last several years-

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Super Bowl XXXVII Champions

The Tampa Bay Lightning - 2004 Stanley Cup Champions

The Tampa Bay Rays - 2008 AL East Division Champions
(participating in the playoffs for a shot at the World Series Title)

I always root for these, my now home teams...

That is, UNLESS...
The Patriots, Bruins, or Red Sox are playing against them...

So you can probably understand now why this is a problem for some of my die hard Tampa Bay buds...

They don't understand.

As happens sometimes in life, my love is misunderstood...


So just so we're straight here, I'll run it down for you once again -

During these AL Playoffs... I am rooting like crazy for the Rays to win thier series against the White Sox...
But, I am also rooting for the Red Sox (i them) to beat the Angels...

Given all of those facts, we both know what is going to happen if they both beat their opponents and have to face each other for the coveted slot in the World Series...

I'll have to close all of my shades and sit on the edge of my seat alone to watch those games...

or risk having the crap beat out of me...

PS - Leslie... now everyone will know it was you (and Len) if anything happens to me!