Behind the Scenes - Photo Shoot - Girl Gone Wild...

Any of you out there with teenage daughters, notice your document files getting more and more cluttered with 5 zillion pictures similar to these?

Digital photography has changed the way people approach picture taking these days...
Not like the old days with our Instamatics...

It's like every occasion has become an easy photo op...
Want to take 57 self portraits?
Why not!!
If you don't like 'em... Delete 'em!!
It's a cinch!!


Here's a few that I selected from the 100's that my daughter has taken over the summer...
Here she is at the beach...
(notice groovy chic glasses, covering up smudged mascara, worn to the beach... ahhh youth!!)

and this one...
in the car...
(notice brother not too excited about being included in the "photo shoot"-

You never know how many opportunities for being a shutter-bug with your dog you may be missing ...
You NEVER can have ENOUGH pics of yourself with your pooch...
Can you?!

Occasionally, when the lighting is JUST RIGHT in the "powder room"...
You just HAVE to take advantage of it...
Thus the 150 self portraits that were recently shot into the bathroom mirror...

Sometimes if you are lucky, a special guest may make an appearance too...

Who's turn was it to clean anyway?!
Check out that mirror!!
I mean REALLY daughter!!
Couldn't you have given it a quick wipe down first?!

HONESTLY!!!

Here's one of my recent favorites...
It was taken, on a boat while on vacation...
Picture #1 was taken when she didn't know I was actually taking a picture...
This look is one that she gives me quite often...

PICTURE #1

"Helllloooo! I'm trying to take your picture!!!"
Now, if you look REALLY close, you may notice the slight change in her facial expression here in picture #2

PICTURE #2

Gosh, I love that girl!!!

Blinded by the Light, Revved Up Like a...

I read a disturbing news item this morning...
The article reported that more than 50 people in India have gone blind by looking directly into the sun for the virgin mary...

First of all,
what the heck would she be doing on the sun?
EVERYONE knows that the sun is an extremely hot place and that it is virtually uninhabitable!

AND... Even if, by some miracle she did live there... there is another problem with looking for her...
The sun is really far away... 94.5 million miles to be precise...
I can't even see my neighbors at the end of the block in their yard from my yard, which incidentally isn't even close to 1 mile away...

ALSO... what would have happened, if they did find her sitting right on the sun??
Would they have had t-shirts made up that said 'I STARED INTO THE SUN AND SPOTTED MARY AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS CRUMMY T-SHIRT AND FINALLY, I HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH STEVIE WONDER!!'

After the first few seconds of gazing at the sun and searching for her, wouldn't you just call it a day and assume that she isn't there?
I would...

I mean, at what point do you avert your eyes from the blinding light that is searing your retinas causing irreparable damage?

I, for one, like to learn from others mistakes...
After, oh, let's say the first dozen lunatics people went through similar experiences which included a fruitless search for the impossible which ended on a really BAD note...
Complete and utter blindness...
wouldn't you say to yourself, "Now THAT wasn't a very good idea!"

What do you suppose that #49 was thinking??
"Those other 48 idiots were doing it wrong!!"
or maybe
"I'm feeling lucky! After this.... I'll head on over to Vegas!!"

Didn't they ever listen to their mother telling them not to follow the crowd?
Please people!!!
Exercise some common sense!

Anyhow, haven't they ever been to little Italy?
You'll spot her easily in most neighborhood flower gardens...

Nocturnal Noises...

I come from a big line or snore-ers...
My dad made snoring an art form and always added his own 'flavor' to his snoring...
It went something like this: KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK-Pooooooooooooo!


This of course made all of us go totally hysterical when we were kids...
It was always the same...
Extremely predictable...

My mom would snore occasionally too.
Although like everything my mother ever did, it was more lady-like and dignified...
Quieter, softer and nothing to laugh at...

By pure coincidence, I married a guy who snores as well...
His episodes seem to be cyclical and not at all reliable...

He's like the little girl with her curl...
When he doesn't do it, he's very, very quiet
But when he snores, he's LOUD!

Apparently, my snoring has become a bit worse lately...
I say 'apparently', because I never know I'm doing it, and quite frequently am accused of "disturbing" my husband, when I don't even think I am asleep yet...
You can't snore when you are awake.... right?


Unfortunately for me, I do not take after my Mom in the snoring department...
I'm told I am loud and can easily drown out most levels of volume on the bedroom television...

I wish that as long as I was going to create deafening sleep sounds, they could be more interesting at least...
Like a 3-stooges type of wood sawing-
kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk-meep-meep-meep-meep-meep!
That's classic!

Nyuck, Nyuck!!!


What about you?
Have you been accused of keeping the neighborhood awake at night with your nocturnal noise?
If so, what 'type' of snorer are you?
Loud?
Soft?
Or do you add your own flare, beyond the normal 'zzzzzzzzzzzzz'?

Our My Royal Proclaimation...

Several weeks ago, my BFF Les announced that she was moving her herd to greener pastures which in her case is a larger house less than 3 miles from her present homestead...

I was caught up in all of her excitement which included more bedrooms, bathrooms and lake access
Actually, the lake access was my primary source of enthusiasm, followed by extra bathrooms, (which is actually an entire separate story left for another day... and I will warn you ahead of time, that it's NOT pretty!!)

Tony and I are movers extraordinaire...
I've proclaimed us such, simply based on the extraordinary number of moves we've executed for not only ourselves, but for any friends that have done the same.
(Tony HATES when I proclaim things... he thinks it's goofy...so he will usually try to discourage me doing so by saying something similar to what I've illustrated here...)

We're good at it...
That doesn't mean that we like it...
But we do it because that's the kind of friends we are...
That, and because Les has promised to make it worth our while, which in her case usually equates to food and drink...
Before you think badly of her, I should probably confess that we are totally satisfied with the arrangement...

We're "foodies"....what can I say?


I should also mention that we are the only friends who haven't made plans to get out of dodge on moving day...

A coincidence? I think NOT!!

Although, if I had lots of moolah, I would have headed for the hills by way of a second vacation too...

But our vacation quota was one, and we've already used it...
Les knew that...
So here we are...

Showing the entire world, once again, that we are entitled to our my proclamation...


PS - GREAT NEWS!! I just found out that they have signed a two year lease... which means at least two years before we'll have to once again, claim the title...
Honestly, can you imagine anyone wanting to take it from us?
We'll gladly give it to them without even putting up a fight...

Any challengers out there?

Please Pass the Jelly!!

I hate to keep harping on and on about commercials that bug me...
It might give you the impression that all I ever do is watch tv...
Not true.

When I do, however, many times there are under 21's in the room if you know what I mean...
You know, people that don't really need to know about the igniting and exciting that KY Yours & Mine brags about on their ads...

I'm ALL for exciting and delighting... together igniting... don't get me wrong...

But I have teenagers in the house folks!!
I'm working really hard here to keep either of them from igniting, delighting or exciting...

I think that the manufacturers of any potion that you place "down there" should not be allowed to air the ads any time between 6 am and 5:45 am...

I'm pretty sure that they would catch all the menopausal women (pre-and post included) who are still awake or have slept for a couple of hours and inexplicably have woken up and have nothing better to do than to watch tv...
Trust me... I know...
There they have it!! Their target audience, all reached in a 15 minute window...

"Need Lube? Here's our cool his and hers that not only ignites... it also delights & excites! PLUS, the bottles glow in the dark!"

SOLD!

Bonus!! The air time would surely be cheaper then too!

Problem solved!

Neeeext....

*PLEASE DON'T FORGET OUR S.O.S. FOR VALERIE!!*
Read about it HERE

(Not So) Cultured Pearls From the Deep End...

I'm feeling kind of old today...

As I stop by all of my favorite blogs, I am struck by the fact that I am the granny of the group...
Everyone seems to be talking about how "Sarah is now 23 months old now and is running me ragged, and little Parker is nearly 5 months and smiled 12 times today"...

Don't think I'm a hater or anything, but I am living a very different reality than all those young, perky moms...

For instance, NEVER do I say "Son #1 just turned 310 months and boy can he eat!! .... and don't even get me started on my 187 month old daughter's messy bedroom... Oh yeah, and she smiled exactly zero times today!"

Sheesh!

I've been where they are, but you only can relate to having teenagers and G.U.K.'s (grown-up kids) when you've actually experienced it...

I've narrowed my pearls of wisdom down to 5 basic truths (for whatever it's worth)

1. Once your child turns 2 years of age.... PLEASE for the love of GOD, stop referring to their age in terms of months!!! It just seems silly after 24... and we, O.M.'s (older mom's) laugh behind your back when you do it...



2. If your children are all still in elementary school, do yourself a favor and try not to convey to other, older parents that you have some sort of handle on this parenting gig.... WE know better, and readily admit that the parent-handle is like a greased pole.... you may get a grip on it for a second or two, but trust us... there is no holding onto it for any length of time!
If you do start to sound a little to high on your horse... we O.M.'s will find a way to knock you off, perhaps with a story about our kids that is so appalling that you are left speechless...
(as well as making mental notes as referred to in #5)



3. Don't tell us how exceptional your child is... we ALL think our kids are exceptional and will likely try to top your story with a better one that may include the fact that, we too, are exceptional and have an IQ that qualifies us for admission to Mensa...
(Stick THAT in your pipe and smoke it!)




4. When approaching your parents to do YOU a favor,
in the form of babysitting your child(ren)...
DON'T insult our intelligence by starting off by saying something like...
"I thought you might like to spend time with...."
It's called babysitting...
Yes, we LOVE our GTP's, but trying to sugar coat
your needs, is just plain annoying...
All O.M.'s with G.U.K.'s see through that immediately!!
Do yourself (and everyone else) a favor by taking a few seconds to think before approaching your parents or in-laws with this tactic



5. Never say never...

This should actually be pearl #1, because this may, in fact, be the biggest mistake that parents, whom have kids which have not yet grown up, past the point of parental adoration, make...
I know this from personal experience as I was the youngest child of a large family and had many opportunities prior to having my own kids, to make mental notes of all of the
things that my (yet to be conceived) children would NEVER DO!!

Take my word for it...
They will...
and perhaps more...

It's probably best if you never speak aloud those mental notes that you may be making about your neighbors older kids, or even your older nieces and nephews...
If you utter those words aloud, they will come back to haunt you...
If you've uttered them about our teens or G.U.K.'s, all of us O.M.'s will be waiting for your kids to screw up (and they will...maybe even worse than ours *gasp!*) to remind you of all of the ridiculous ramblings that you made before you knew better...
It won't help you out, but us O.M.'s will feel all warm and fuzzy, by doing so...

Now that you know these truths, go forth and multiply...
and try not to annoy any O.M.'s on the way...

*PLEASE DON'T FORGET OUR S.O.S. FOR VALERIE!!*
Read about it HERE

S.O.S....

Once in a while, just when you are feeling good and sorry for yourself regarding any number of things life has slapped you upside the head with, God will slap you upside the other side of your head with something that I like to call, a "royal reality check"...

This week, I received a big one in the form of a young girls plight...

One of my good friends had called me and was sharing the story of her latest house guest whom she and her husband have opened their home to for the next five weeks, until she goes off to college...

She has earned a scholarship to the UCF (University of Central Florida)...
That is a feat that many have failed to accomplish under the best of circumstances!

While staying with our friends, she has secured a job at a local convenience store, where she will work until leaving for school at the end of August, to help her to cover some of her impending expenses... Her journey has been unbelievable!

She has displayed courage and a can-do attitude like I've never before witnessed... especially in such a young person, whom has faced many scary, very adult, problems...

The St. Pete Times featured her story back in May...
Please take a moment to read all about her by clicking HERE.

Things have gotten worse, believe it or not, since this article was published, as she was recently evicted from her housing, which is what led her to my friends door, through their church family...

The church has gathered donations which have been used to purchase some supplies which will help her set up housekeeping in her dorm...

But my friend, being the mother-hen that she is, has some serious concerns about Valerie heading off to school without enough money to take care of buying the basics that she will need... like textbooks, a laptop computer, and a meal plan to ensure that she will have 3 squares a day...

If anyone deserves a break, it's this girl...

I am hoping that one of you has some connections...

• Like maybe you are Bill Gates 3rd cousin twice removed and you can beg him for a donated new laptop for her...
  (or maybe you aren't related to Bill, but have a better idea on how to obtain a laptop for her)
  

• Or perhaps, your next door neighbor works for a textbook printer and he can get her textbooks donated...

I figured that by spreading the word, someone out there may know someone who knows someone...
Like the old shampoo commercial...


If you tell two friends
about Fabarge Organics Shampoo
with wheat germ oil and honey,
they'll tell two friends,
and so on... and so on... and so on...

SO...

If I tell my friends about Valerie Perez,
and her need for a helping hand,
maybe they'll tell two friends
and so on...and so on...and so on...

Here's the bottom line...
This young woman was handed a load of sour lemons
and somehow,
she found the strength to make lemonade...

I'd love to help her to get off to a good start as she begins a new chapter in her life...
If any of you can help us to figure all of this out, it would be fantastic!

You can reach me at: thoughtsfromthedeepend@gmail.com

Just call me Grampy...if you must!

I'm back!!!

What's that?
You forgot I was gone?

WHATEVER!!

I was all set to give you the run down on the whole camping trip...
I was going to sit right down here and post all kinds of interesting things that we did
For instance. while kayaking for the first time... we saw a large manatee!!
Very cool!!

Boating and beaching it...over our vacation...
We saw dolphins "doing it"...
Also, very cool (but I felt a little dirty afterward)...


I've missed you all and couldn't wait to communicate with all of my friends,
and for 6 seconds or so, I thought that maybe I'd still be able to do that...

BUT...
Todays plans changed at the last minute and Son #1
needed a sitter for GTP #2...


UNTIL...
the 7 trillion times that I was addressed today (by the wrong name I might add)

"Grampy! Look at me!"
"I'm Grammy! Can you say 'Grammy'?"
"Uh-Huh.... Throw the ball to me Grampy!"
"No, it's G-R-A-M-M-Y honey. Can you say that?"
"Uh-Huh... Hey Grampy! Play cars with me!"
"It's G-R-A.... Oh never mind! Sure! I LOVE to play cars"

3 seconds later:

"Grampy! Chase me!

18 seconds later:
"Grampy! Can I have a yogurt?
Oops! I just tooted..."
"Yes and Euuuwwwww!"

But take one look at this face and you'll understand why he won my undivided attention today...




Perhaps tomorrow, I'll be free to share about the snake bite
Ferry and Tay’s daughter received on her foot...

and how the same snake proceeded to bite Ferry repeatedly on the hand when he picked it up to show her how harmless it was...

That is, unless that sweet little man, who calls me Grampy, wants to hang out with me again...

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye ('til Tuesday)...

I'm off until next Tuesday, dear friends...
I'll give you a hint, as to my game plan, until then...

You guessed it!
We're heading to to the beach along with Ferry and Tay, who are also our camping buds...

Yes sirree! I plan to come back to you a little tanner, a little bit fresher and with loads of stories...
The pressure is on anyone I spend time with these days to be "on"...
I mean, if they want to make "The Blog"....
They know they better bring their A-Game...
I tell them constantly, "give me something to work with people!" (or you won't make the cut!)

They never let me down though...
My friends are always there...
And oddly enough, strangers even are there for me and don't even know it!!
Like Grocery Cart Lady, for instance...
She had NO IDEA how much she impacted my life (as well as the support pole!)

Have a great week!
I'll see you Tuesday!!

;)
Jackie

PS - BFF has left on a month long "holiday" (more Brit-speak) and left me behind while she spends time in England, Germany and Austria...
I just hope she doesn't come home with a hankering to yodel and dress like them....
Because I really don't think lederhosen would do a thing for her!!

You Ain't Nothin' But A Hound Dog....

I've noticed a disturbing trend lately...
I'll apologize in advance for any distress that this may cause you if you are included in the following category, but I can honestly say that this is my real opinion...
(MY being the operative word here)

If you are from a different school of thought, that's okay...
Don't hate... Appreciate... (I overheard this at a party once... so I thought I'd try it on for size)

What the heck is it with people and their dogs?
I mean, when did dogs suddenly move up a rung or two on lifes ladder to be on the same level as people?
Before anyone contacts PETA to put a contract out on me, or plot an ambush at the entrance to the grocery store and throw paint on me because I have leather trim on my sneakers (and it might actually be 'pleather' anyway) HEAR ME OUT!

I am an animal lover...
Truly, I am!

I adore my dog...
He's been part of our family for more than 11 years...
I've fed him, washed him, cared for him, for all this time...
He's given my family unconditional love in return...
It's wonderful and special...

But he is a dog (a.k.a. animal)...
He's NOT a person (a.k.a. human being)...

He doesn't go with me everywhere I go...
i.e. We get invited to dinner at a friends house - He stays home...

I don't dress him in humiliating outfits and parade him around in them...

I let him walk on all fours,
which means that I don't push him around in a baby stroller...
We've all seen these, right?!


We don't get offended if you don't include his name on the envelope when sending us a Christmas card or Wedding Invitation...
Heck! He can't read it, because he's...
You guessed it!!!
A DOG!!!

If you can't come to a function unless your dog is included...
We'll miss you!

We don't carry him around like a baby and he cannot sit in my lap while I drive...
(okay... he's 70 lbs which would make these things difficult, but even if he weighed 7 lbs...NOT HAPPENING!)

I don't get offended when people come over that aren't really 'into' dogs and would rather not have his attention... I have NO PROBLEM putting him in my bedroom (which I generously share with him) when those friends stop by... (I'll even leave the tv on for him for company)

All these things don't mean I love him less...
They just mean that he's a dog
and I'm a person
and (cover your eyes and ears right now if you are from 'the other camp' while I reveal a shocking revelation...)

We are not on the same level
That's the bottom line...
Again - My opinion...

Which camp are you in?

You Say Potato... I say Spud...

It's amazing how people that both speak the same language can be so misunderstood...

Take my BFF's husband...
PLEASE!
(just kidding)

As I've mentioned on numerous occasions, my BFF is from England...
She is beautiful and speaks in an accent that makes all Yankee men look at her and smile...
It actually is annoying, truth be told.
Not the beautiful part...

The accent part...
It's like she's even cuter because she says regular words in fancy ways,
like "Gair-ege" instead of Garage
"Swimming Costume" instead of Bathing Suit
or "Plaster" instead of Bandaid...
she doesn't like things... she fancies them...

The list goes on and on...

Her man has adopted the "when in Rome" philosophy...
He says things like "Get yourself a beer out of the garage fridge"
or
"You look cool in that bathing suit"
(well, he never has actually complimented me on my choice of swimmimg attire...which is usually a one piece skirty type, fit for 65 year olds)

But I think that his usage of Americanized English, he learned at the school...
of the hard knock variety!

I know this about him, because he tells two accounts of his early days in the states that never fail to make me cry...
with laughter, that is...
(and sometimes pee myself just a little)

Lesson #1
taught him that though our countries share the same language, our verbiage can be quite different...
How would you react if your new boss from far across the ocean came to your desk and asked you to please get him a rubber and bring it to his office ASAP?

Yes... he actually did that... No kidding....
Poor naive Brit!
How could he have known that while he was thinking "pink pearl", she was thinking "trojan"!
The shock on her face alerted him to his faux pas...

Lesson #2
taught him that Americans call cigarettes, "cigarettes" or "cancer sticks"... NEVER, ever, "fags"...
How did he learn this very important fact?

It was when he was at a social gathering...
you know the kind I mean with lots of food and drink
and then more drink...

THAT'S when former smokers get the itch for a "cancer stick"

THAT'S when British men-folk ask the other lads if anyone "Fancies having a fag outside"

Which is totally normal when you live in the UK...
But when you are in America, and you ask a bunch of guys if they "Fancy" anything they look at you funny...
When you ask them if they fancy having a fag outside, you are most likely begging to be dragged out back and beaten to within an inch of your life...

Should you survive lesson #2, you most likely have no need for lesson #3...

Thank heavens he's a quick learner!