(Not So) Cultured Pearls From the Deep End...

I'm feeling kind of old today...

As I stop by all of my favorite blogs, I am struck by the fact that I am the granny of the group...
Everyone seems to be talking about how "Sarah is now 23 months old now and is running me ragged, and little Parker is nearly 5 months and smiled 12 times today"...

Don't think I'm a hater or anything, but I am living a very different reality than all those young, perky moms...

For instance, NEVER do I say "Son #1 just turned 310 months and boy can he eat!! .... and don't even get me started on my 187 month old daughter's messy bedroom... Oh yeah, and she smiled exactly zero times today!"

Sheesh!

I've been where they are, but you only can relate to having teenagers and G.U.K.'s (grown-up kids) when you've actually experienced it...

I've narrowed my pearls of wisdom down to 5 basic truths (for whatever it's worth)

1. Once your child turns 2 years of age.... PLEASE for the love of GOD, stop referring to their age in terms of months!!! It just seems silly after 24... and we, O.M.'s (older mom's) laugh behind your back when you do it...



2. If your children are all still in elementary school, do yourself a favor and try not to convey to other, older parents that you have some sort of handle on this parenting gig.... WE know better, and readily admit that the parent-handle is like a greased pole.... you may get a grip on it for a second or two, but trust us... there is no holding onto it for any length of time!
If you do start to sound a little to high on your horse... we O.M.'s will find a way to knock you off, perhaps with a story about our kids that is so appalling that you are left speechless...
(as well as making mental notes as referred to in #5)



3. Don't tell us how exceptional your child is... we ALL think our kids are exceptional and will likely try to top your story with a better one that may include the fact that, we too, are exceptional and have an IQ that qualifies us for admission to Mensa...
(Stick THAT in your pipe and smoke it!)




4. When approaching your parents to do YOU a favor,
in the form of babysitting your child(ren)...
DON'T insult our intelligence by starting off by saying something like...
"I thought you might like to spend time with...."
It's called babysitting...
Yes, we LOVE our GTP's, but trying to sugar coat
your needs, is just plain annoying...
All O.M.'s with G.U.K.'s see through that immediately!!
Do yourself (and everyone else) a favor by taking a few seconds to think before approaching your parents or in-laws with this tactic



5. Never say never...

This should actually be pearl #1, because this may, in fact, be the biggest mistake that parents, whom have kids which have not yet grown up, past the point of parental adoration, make...
I know this from personal experience as I was the youngest child of a large family and had many opportunities prior to having my own kids, to make mental notes of all of the
things that my (yet to be conceived) children would NEVER DO!!

Take my word for it...
They will...
and perhaps more...

It's probably best if you never speak aloud those mental notes that you may be making about your neighbors older kids, or even your older nieces and nephews...
If you utter those words aloud, they will come back to haunt you...
If you've uttered them about our teens or G.U.K.'s, all of us O.M.'s will be waiting for your kids to screw up (and they will...maybe even worse than ours *gasp!*) to remind you of all of the ridiculous ramblings that you made before you knew better...
It won't help you out, but us O.M.'s will feel all warm and fuzzy, by doing so...

Now that you know these truths, go forth and multiply...
and try not to annoy any O.M.'s on the way...

*PLEASE DON'T FORGET OUR S.O.S. FOR VALERIE!!*
Read about it HERE