Ginormous is the New Humungous...

RUDE AWAKENING
/rud/ /uh-wey-kuh-ning/


I had one of these today...

I was at the store with OD (only daughter), and we spotted the cutest top and
Bermuda shorts in the ladies department...

"Go try it on!" is what she said to me with great enthusiasm...
Which incidentally, she doesn't show us too often these days, especially
when it has anything to do with any one other than
a) herself
or
b) one of her close, personal friends...
Which, by the way, she has several hundred of...
I saw them all on her myspace...
and I do not happen to fall into that category...
But incidentally, Tom, some geek who invented myspace, does...

I got all caught up in her excitement, as she was trying to find me the perfect top...
She held one up and said "Will this one be too big?"
I answered immediately "Yes! Look how HUUUUGE it is!!"
I took it in the dressing room just so that I could prove my point and we'd most likely share a good old laugh when I showed her how humongous it was on me...


I was chuckling to myself as I was undressing...
This was going to be a hoot!
I slipped on the Bermudas...
They fit... sort of...
And they would be alright as long as I didn't drop anything while wearing them...
They were seriously low cut...
You know the kind, that if you bend over, your butt crack peeks out the top of...
NOT PRETTY on a 20 year old and even less so on a 40 something... TRULY!

So the bermudas were out but the top still had potential...
I slipped it over my head and...

HOUSTON... We have a problem!
The stinkin' thing was kind of small on me!

How could that be?!
It was like a magic trick prop or something...
I mean, off, it looked ginormous...
Yet, on...
Not so much...

I have solved the great mystery of why I do not enjoy clothes shopping...
It's all about smoke and mirrors...
I exited the changing room with clothes in hand and met my OD's gaze...
"I hate shopping" was all I said...
"When they start making clothes that fit people right, we'll come back!"

What was your latest rude awakening?

The Rain, Rain, Rain, Came Down, Down, Down...

WE had lots of plans over last weekend...
Most of which involved being outside...
One of which, was to re-coat the roof of our camper so it won't leak...
90% of the time on Saturday and Sunday, this is what it looked like outside...



Which only caused my typeA EASY going husband to grumble...
and grouch...

I had a suggestion to go ahead with the RV roof re-coat despite the weather...
My plan involved a series of umbrellas, lined up in 3 overlapping rows, 12 blow driers, and 41 volunteers...
Oh... and rainboots...
It was an idea that I just brainstormed...
because I'm an " outside of the box" type of thinker...


Tony thought it was dumb...
(He's still inside the box with his thinking)

Just to make things clear...
My Guy is really, very smart...
And, NO, he's not a mime...
(His thinking is the only thing figuratively 'in the box')
Mimes are annoying...
and quite frankly if I was married to one, I would most likely alternate between pretending to strangle him and pretending to club him over the head with a hammer on a daily basis...

I just happen to take the stand that if you don't like my ideas...
you are...
what's the word I'm trying to think of...
Oh yeah!

WRONG!


PS - Actually, truth be told, the preceding story was only partially true...
EVERYONE knows that it would be downright dangerous to operate a blowdrier in the rain!