Thoughts from the Deep End

Question of the day...

2011-02-25T14:55:00.004-05:00

I have been disappointed once again by the actions of someone I "let in".

On that note...

Question of the day...

Why do people suck so much?

....I'm just askin'......

Holiday Hoo-bee-whatee...

2010-10-27T16:57:00.005-04:00

That time is approaching! The time when we need to start thinking about the holidays which of course, includes sending out Christmas cards! Personally, my favorite type of card to receive is the photo kind. You know, the ones where you catch a special moment or in my case, a special occasion like, for instance, all of my kids are together in the same place at the same time. I love seeing how everyone else’s kids have grown, and in some cases new additions that have been included! Shutterfly has some great photo cards like these.

My Mom always took the time to send out holiday cards. It was just one of those things that reaffirmed to me that Santa was indeed on his way…. Soon! I remember her complaining each time the stamp prices went up… “15 cents?! That is CRAZY!!” But still all of our friends and family would find a card waiting for them in their mailboxes, because she knew that you can’t put a price tag on keeping in touch with those that are important to you. I feel the same way (thanks Mom!) I may even order these labels to save myself some writers cramp!

Someone stop me now!! I just noticed these awesome gift tags that I just HAVE to have!

Check them out! “Shutterfly is offering 20% off all holiday cards”

Happy Birthday #2! (no potty humor intended)

2010-06-12T10:04:00.003-04:00

#2 son turned 27 today!

Hard to believe that I am old enough to have a child that is 324 months (or 9862 days) old....

because after all....

it is all about ME... LOL!

Happy Birthday Dave!!

I hope the next 365 days are filled with wonderful things for you!

xo Mom

Random Tuesday Thought (from the deep end)

2010-05-25T12:57:00.003-04:00

Note: The following thought from the deep end is directed at no one in particular...
It's just one of those random thoughts that floated by today...

Female...

I am one....

I believe we can accomplish anything we set our minds to...

I think the world needs us...

BUT....

Why are so many women such a pain in the patoot?

I've often said where there is women.... you'll find drama.... quickly....

I'm just sayin'...

"Good!... and You?"

2010-04-06T09:15:00.002-04:00

The other day while I was at Sam's Club spending a large percentage of our weekly income on food and such*

*(such = all of the other stuff that you toss in your humongous cart that fills up far too quickly)

I had an embarrassing moment...

you know the kind that makes you want race in the opposite direction and hide in the candy isle...

(okay...I happen to like the candy isle....don't hate on me!)

One of the ever-so-friendly workers was walking towards me next to the banana section and in a very upbeat tone said "Hey there! How's it going?"

to which I replied a bit too loudly, "Good!... and You?"

As I was speaking, I heard another lady, who happen to be wearing a Sam's vest and have name tag on answer him at the exact same time...

Now I'm not 100% sure, but I think he may have been speaking to her to begin with...

Now where were those Snickers bars again?

Breaking News

2010-03-30T19:09:00.003-04:00

It's been a BIG week in the news...

I kid....

The tip off?

The Headlines on yesterdays news feed:

"RICKY MARTIN REVEALS HE'S GAY" ...more at 11...

Like we never

saw THAT one coming....

I'm just sayin....

Warm wishes (mixed with a bit of blarney)

2010-03-17T09:22:00.008-04:00

In honor of St. Patty's day, I give you some Irish well wishes

(for this, I'm channeling my late Grandmother whose maiden name was Shanahan)

PS - I speak fluent Blarney...

I'll give credit for that to the Shanahan side of me....

Thanks Grandma!

**PSS - Did I ever mention the time that my sister told me a joke whose punch-line was Patty O'Furniture to which I repied, "Who's that? A Basketball player from SU?"

(oh yes I did!.... sooooo embarrassing! Although I was talking to T.V. at the time...... of Janine Lee-Ather fame)

(We were driving past the Carrier Dome in Syracuse at the time and I thought that maybe I didn't know because I had moved out of the area years ago!)

I blame those kinds of moments on the same side.... and my love for beer...green or otherwise!

Three LKJF's

2010-03-06T12:38:00.002-05:00

After watching American Idol this week, I was inspired...

Before each person took to the stage to do their thing, a clip was aired where they shared one thing about themselves that people probably didn't know...

I could easily give you thirty little known Jackie facts, or LKJF's, but instead will shorten it by 27...

1) I cannot hear a patriotic song without crying.

It always makes for a good time when at a sporting event or other otherwise fun outing...

Everyone is in a good mood and are raring to have fun...

That's usually around the time that the Star Spangled Banner begins...

I try to think of anything else to take my mind off of the lump in my throat...

but it never works...

Total waterworks...

Every... time...

Soooo embarrassing...

2) I secretly (or not so secretly now) desire to be a professional singer...

One small, yet insurmountable problem....

When God was passing out vocal talent...

I was standing in line for cooking talent...

because I thought they were giving away free samples...

I still enjoy singing though...

just not for money...

which is a good thing, because I would give new meaning to "starving artist"

3) When I was 8 or 9, I secretly wished I had a mysterious illness

(a totally curable one, of course)

so that Dr. Joe Gannon of my favorite show at the time "Medical Center"

could cure me...

I had even thought that if he couldn't figure it out, I might suggest he give Dr. Steve Kiley from "Marcus Welby" a call and perhaps he would do a consult...

They were the Dr. McDreamy's of the 60's & 70's...

and I had a fever for both of them...

What little known facts about you are you willing to share with me?

Tapas

2010-02-24T22:09:00.002-05:00

I'm not Spanish...

I'm a Gringo.... so my grasp on the language is limited...

So when some friends asked me to join them at a Tapas restaurant, I wasn't sure what I was getting into...

Turns out... it was delicious and I thoroughly enjoyed each and every.... teeny... bite...

Based on my dining experience, I've had to make an educated guess as to the true definition of TAPAS

Tiny

Amount

Pricey

Atom-sized

Snack

(Oh...and after you spend waaaaaay too much on your 'meal' you have to drive straight home so that you can finish eating....)

A Short List...

2010-02-10T09:46:00.005-05:00

A short list of words and sayings that don't sit well with me...

Hump day

This one is used by hip people in offices round the world as well as social websites (Facebook and the like) to give a nod to the fact that the week is halfway done..... thus the "hump" of the week has arrived and there's reason to celebrate...

I, however, always think of humping as sex, or "doing it" ...

You can only imagine the distress it causes me to see "Happy Hump Day" or "Wednesday's Hump Day" on the live news feed on Facebook...

Va-J or Va-J-J

This one makes me uncomfortable for several reasons, not the least of which is the fact that I can hardly even stand to use the correct anatomical word to describe "down there" let alone Va-J....

and when I hear my daughters 17 year old peers talking about their nether-regions by using hip slang terms like Va-J or Va-J-J, it makes me blush and then get all blotchy...

And really....shouldn't it be Va-G or Va-G-G if we want to get technical here?!

I'd love to hear some of your pet peeve words...

(and now that it came up.... I don't like the phrase "pet peeve" either!!)

Oh no you di'int!

2010-01-28T09:46:00.008-05:00

"oh no you di'int "*
1. A response to a bold statement, accusation, or action; slang for
"you're going to wish you hadn't said/done that," or "b*tch you'll pay for that."
*(taken from the Urban Dictionary)

The following are a sampling of actual quotes that ~~morons~~ people actually have said to me in recent years during actual conversations...

*You can only scratch your head and wonder how these ~~idiots~~ folks leave their homes every day without crash helmets on...

"NOW I know why Tony fell in love with you!"

(during a conversation with a male, longtime "friend" upon seeing me several years ago after I had lost a significant amount of weight)

Ummmmmm.....thanks......I guess......

"She's a big girl who doesn't dress right.... kinda LIKE YOU"

(this gem was said to me by a "lady" I worked along side with in the PTA several years ago after I "found" significant amount of aforementioned weight)

Ummmmmmm...... wow.... yeah..... you won't mind if I go out and take a walk in the sunshine and watch my big ole' shadow following me would you?.......

"My hair was that color once... yeah, a while back.. when I had a bad dye job"

(this was uttered by an acquaintance while she smiled at me the entire time)

OH NO YOU DI'INT!

Lesson for the day...
In the wisdom of Walt Disney...

Back Again for 2010...

2010-01-12T14:40:00.005-05:00

Dear friends & followers of my blog (a.k.a. - all 3 of you),

I received an e-mail this morning in which the sender in essence prompted me to "get my finger out" and start blogging again...

(I know what you are about to ask and actually it's an English (as in Jolly Old) expression that my British BFF Marge uses quite often to describe the need to stop dragging your feet about something... as in,

"Jackie! Get your finger out and help me pick out an outfit"

(which would actually NEVER happen, as she is somewhat of a fashion plate and the kind of plates I am interested in usually involve eating!)

Plus, I'm not 100% sure I want to know why the Brits say that or even where your finger supposedly has been...

up your nose?

or some other sordid place that has kept you from doing what you should have been doing all along?

And YES! I understand that the sentence I just wrote broke all kinds of rules set forth by scholars centuries ago... But as I've told you before...

I'm a rebel... a freestyler of sorts!....

That's just how I roll!

I digress.....

Thanks to this (not so) anonymous follower of the Deep End who encouraged me to get back into it...
HERE I AM...

Back Again in 2010!

I hope you missed me as much as I missed you!

29 Years Ago Today....

2009-10-25T10:23:00.005-04:00

Click pic to feel warm and fuzzy!

The OTHER Three Little Words...

2009-10-16T10:53:00.004-04:00

I did it...

Again...

I caught myself saying the two words that I PROMISED -

NO!!

I VOWED to NEVER, EVER say to another Mom as long as I lived...

Can you guess what they were?

"Just Wait"

No!!
I'm not trying to make you sit on the edge of your seat before revealing those words...
Those ARE the words!

Just - Wait!

When my older kiddos were little, and I was the "young Mom" surrounded by older Moms with older kids, I used to HATE when having a conversation involving the peaks and valleys of parenting, inevitably one of them would hit me right between the eyes with "Just WAIT!!!"

It was as if they wanted to one up me...

They were the same girls that after hearing about your labor and delivery taking 27 hours and requiring forceps and 3 pints of plasma, would say something like "MY labor lasted 27 DAYS and a staff of 14 doctors and nurses as well as 3 QUARTS of blood!!!"

Need I say.... ANNOYING!!!

Many years of parenting have passed...
(28 plus to be exact... which incidentally is 10,249 days!)

Birth stories have been replaced by Menopause stories
(and believe me - they are equally as IRRITATING!)

Now I am the "older Mom"

A friend contacted me and was venting about one of the lows of her parenting experiences of late.
She also mentioned that she was glad her 4th grade daughter still thought that she was awesome...

Call me aggravating...

Call me unpleasant...

Call me a weary Mom STILL dealing with teenagers after 5,501 days (which is how many days ago my first son turned 13... keep in mind that I have five children)

Call me what you like...

Just don't call me to vent and count on my not blurting out that two word phrase that has become a common one in my vocabulary repertoire...

Why, you ask has this happened to me?

I've asked myself that very same question each and every time I've uttered those words, and I believe I have the answer...

It comes down to another short three word expression...

Misery Loves Company!

Circus Peanuts

2009-10-04T12:15:00.001-04:00

I have a brother who loves circus peanuts...
You know, the orange peanut shaped candy that is made from pure sugar and has the consistency of stale-banana-flavored-marshmallows...

I've always had a hard time understanding how anyone could possibly like these 'treats'...

Did you ever wonder what the inspiration behind the invention of such a confection was?

This is my guess to what may have transpired on that fateful day...

BACK IN THE 1800's AT SOME UNIDENTIFIED CANDY FACTORY DEVELOPMENT KITCHEN:

"uh... who was the moron who ordered all this banana extract and orange food coloring?!!"

"Ummmm.... Sorry, that was me"

"Well you'd better figure out SOMETHING to do with it or you'll be looking for a new job... maybe the circus in town will want to hire you to sweep up after the elephants!"

"Hey that just gave me a GREAT idea!!"

I wonder if this was the same person who invented the equally disgusting, candy corn?
Does anyone actually EAT these?
...or do they just buy
the obligatory bag and pour them into a dish on their coffee table for decoration?

I know what you are thinking....

and the answer to that question is YES.... Sadly, I actually DO wonder about these kinds of things...

That's just how I roll...

Grocery lists and planning and other such nonsense... A Cry for Help!!

2009-06-04T13:02:00.019-04:00

Okay... so today I stopped by the old blog-a-roo to dust off the cobwebs and see what I've been up to lately...

I kid....

I was shocked to realize that my last post was back in April!!!

Is my life so uneventful that I had nothing to write about since then?

*chirp*chirp* (is that the sound of crickets?)

Actually, life is busy for me ALL the time...
It really boils down to the fact that my down time has been consumed with other things like sleeping, eating, and keeping up with my favorite tv programs...

Today however, I needed to call upon my BF's (that's YOU... my Bloggy Friends)
I NEED your help...desperately!

I am meal planning for an upcoming camping trip...
Before you start envisioning me in my over sized girl scout uniform, I should probably let you in on a secret...

I don't camp in one of these:

Or even one of these:

These are my camping digs:

Don't say it!!!

Don't you DARE tell me that I am a spoiled brat and that this is not REAL camping...

Because if you do I will march right inside my air conditioned RV, flip on the TV and sit in front of the flame-less fireplace and ignore you...

Again.... I kid...

Not really....

I need to get to the fine point of all of this blathering...

Here is my humble request...

I need some meal inspirations...

Keep in mind that I do have a stove, oven & yes... a microwave - (don't start with me)
I also bring a crockpot... and a smokey joe to grill on...

But I'm in a funk...a rut... I need inspiration before I head to the grocery store and fill two carts with spontaneous food purchases that not only don't make any sense but can't make any discernible meals (don't EVEN try to tell me that you haven't done that at least once in your life)

If you really love me, you will spare me the lecture that Tony is notorious for giving me about making grocery lists and planning and other such nonsense!

On a final note I might add that my family are a bunch of foodies.... Pul-eeze don't suggest 'hot dogs', because although they will eat hotdogs on occasion, they want "REAL" food...even while camping...

PS - If it wouldn't be too much trouble... please include recipes!!
I thank you....

my husband thanks you...

my kids thank you...

You are the bestest BF's EVER!!!! ;)

Outwit...Outplay...Outlast...Out of the Question!

2009-04-29T13:42:00.010-04:00

My BF Les sent this to me today...

Truth be told, it couldn't have arrived on a better day for me...
Ummm... can you say teenagers?...
Sure you can...

I wanted to share the wealth with you...

you know...

the ones who understand me...

and who will also understand and appreciate this idea...

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and
3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play
two sports
and either take music
or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must
take care of his 3 kids;
keep his assigned house clean ,
correct all homework,
and complete science projects ,
cook, do laundry,
and pay a list of 'pretend' bills
with not enough money

In addition, each man
will have to budget in money
for groceries each week.

Each man
must remember the birthdays
of all their friends and relatives ,
and send cards out
on time--no emailing.

Each man must also
take each child to a doctor's appointment ,
a dentist appointment
and a haircut appointment

He must make
one unscheduled and inconvenient
visit per child
to the Urgent Care.

He must also
make cookies or cupcakes
for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for
decorating his own assigned house,
planting flowers outside
and keeping it presentable
at all times.

The men will only
have access to television
when the kids are asleep
and all chores are done.

The men must
shave their legs ,
wear makeup daily,
adorn himself with jewelry,
wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes ,
keep fingernails polished
and eyebrows groomed

During one of the six weeks,
the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches,
and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or
slow down from other duties.

They must attend
weekly school meetings,
church, and find time
at least once to spend the afternoon
at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to
read a book to the kids
each night and in the morning,
feed them, dress them,
brush their teeth and
comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information:
each child's birthday,
height, weight,
shoe size, clothes size
and doctor's name.
Also the child's weight at birth,
length, time of birth,
and length of labor,
each child's favorite color,
middle name,
favorite snack,
favorite song,
favorite drink,
favorite toy,
biggest fear and
what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island
based on performance.
The last man wins only if...
he still has enough energy
to be intimate with his spouse
at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win,
he can play the game over and over
and over again for the next 18-25 years
eventually earning the right
To be called Mother!

After you get done laughing,
send this to as many females as you
think will get a kick out of it and
as many men as you think can
handle it.
Just don't send it back to me.... I'm going to bed.

Can I get an 'Amen'?!!

Going Up?

2009-04-24T12:34:00.009-04:00

Occasionally someone will send me one of these kinds of things in my email...

Okay... if I'm being COMPLETELY honest.... I get this kind of ~~crap, junk, spam~~ humorous stuff all of the time, and once in a while, something will arrive that tickles my funny bone or makes me laugh (and snort a little)

This was one of the few of them that didn't involve flatulence, sex, or a story involving a rabbi, a priest and a prostitute conversing on the 18th fairway of a country club golf course....

Here they are:

(and I wish I had the nerve to try them... #6 is my personal favorite)

1. Explain your ideas of world domination to your fellow riders

2. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

3. Walk on with a cooler that is labeled "HUMAN HEAD" on the side.

4. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

5. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

6. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space."

Maddie....

2009-04-14T18:44:00.009-04:00

I didn't know her...

or her Mom & Dad...

yet she has touched me...

Count your blessings folks...
and please keep this hurting family in your prayers...

Be sure to read the beautiful thoughts on Maddie written by her Mom HERE

(please be patient if link doesn't load quickly...
the server must be getting slammed...
if you don't get through the first time, please try again later)

Watch this touching video tribute that was posted on remembermaddie.com

The Tribute to Our Madeline from Mike and Heather on Vimeo.

You say shopaholic like it's a bad thing....

2009-03-18T07:20:00.005-04:00

I'm a bargain hunter.
I'm not sure if I ever mentioned that to you before, but it's true.

I go for 'big game', which by my own personal definition, means that I don't waste my time on half-off sales...
No siree!
I scoff at 40% off ads that come in the mail...

'Big Game' in my book means AT LEAST 75% off...

It's actually somewhat of a 'gift', this ability to scope out deals...
I'm like Patricia Arquette's character in Medium....
Except that my 6th sense is more along the lines of 'knowing' when I need to get to a store...

Tony has a hard time accepting my 'special talent'....
He sees it as more of a curse...

"Why Jackie???!!! Please tell me why we NEEDED a labeler??? WHY???!!!"

"You just-don't-get-it!!!! Poor, sad, Tony!!! They cost $35.00 everywhere and I only paid $6.00 for it..... Six dollars I tell you!!!!!! I saved us $29.00!!!"

"You still haven't told me WHY we need a labeler...."

"I'm not going to dignify that with an answer..... but the next time YOU need something labeled.... DO NOT come crying to me!!!"

"You know Jackie.... everytime you 'save' us money.... you cost us money....."

Good thing that we are best friends.... because let me tell you, if we weren't, I would be infuriated with that kind of rain being dumped on my parade!!

PS - I haven't told him about the case of Yankee Candles that I saved us $75.00 by buying yet...
So mum's the word!!!!!

Eyeball Tattoos...

2009-03-01T14:03:00.009-05:00

I agree with the folks who are trying to ban eyeball tattoos...

Besides being just plain stomach twisting to think about, I think that there is an angle that they probably hadn't even thought of yet...

What's to stop party animals from getting the whites of their eyes tattooed white?

No one would ever know if they had indulged in certain illegal activities...

Just a thought....

from the deep end....

(don't worry, there's plenty more floating around!!)

"Mother Nature's Gift"

2009-02-19T18:48:00.007-05:00

Have you seen this commercial yet?

I laugh my head off every time I watch it!!

The person who came up with this concept should get a raise!!

I mean.... REALLY.... armpit hair au naturel (Mother Natures Gift!!)

Watch her bike partners face as it keeps blowing onto it...

It's so gross... and yet I can't stop watching...

Do you think that's normal?!

Me either....

Stimulus - It's Just Another Dirty Word to Me...

2009-02-15T11:36:00.012-05:00

Is anyone else out there sick of hearing the word "stimulus"?

Call me immature...
(lots of my friends do)

But my gray matter can't seem to detach that word from the area of my brain that houses things like the 'K-Y His and Hers' commercials and other 'dirty' things...

I mean, in my mind, I am picturing some governmental hotshot on the phone with the economy, candles lit all around speaking in hushed tones asking, "What are you wearing? ...... Because all I have on is a smile..."

Couldn't they come up with a less provocative way of expressing what they are hoping to do to the economy??!!!!!!!!!!!

Couldn't they just "spur" the economy?!
Or perhaps "trigger" the economy??!!

At least until my maturity level increases to that of a person half my age...

Or never......

Bad Boy, Bad Boy, What You Gonna Do....

2009-02-12T08:30:00.000-05:00

Remember the good old days when even the worst behaved kids pretended to respect authority?

When all parents lived by the code: "Guilty until proven innocent"?

Those days are gone....

Long gone, I'm afraid.

My sixteen year old daughters ipod was stolen during her lunch period at her high school...
Right out of her bag...

By someone she knew... (a "friend")

She told me two days later, having put off the task knowing that I would react in a not-so-pleasant way...
(she was right)

To make matters worse, several of her other "friends" had seen the JAKWHIP (Jack Ass Kid With Her I Pod) some of whom had even been approached by the kid offering to sell them her ipod cheap...
It had hot pink earbuds and displayed her name when turned on.... no doubt about it... it was HERS!!

(Why, you ask, didn't one of them insist he hand it over on the spot? I have no idea... as I have come to realize, "friends" is a relative term these days among 16 year olds)

At that point, she had already reported all of the info to the officer at school....
and yes, you read right...
they have a "resource officer" aka the Po-Po, the Heat, the Fuzz, at every high school in the district!!

My how things have changed!

After several days of absolutely NO HELP AT ALL, my level headed husband decides that it would probably be a good idea to phone the JAKWHIP's parents.

After all, it takes a village...right?!

After debriefing him on all of the facts complete with names of witnesses, he phones the father of this future guest of the state pen...

I hear him very "Dad to Dad" talking, very calm and friendly like... using phrases like "just want to get this straightened out" and "appreciate your help"
Which is exactly why HE called instead of me...

If I had been the one to make the call, some of the phrases overheard may have included "Don't make me come over there" and "What method of torture do you plan to use to get him to talk?"

So Dad of JAKWHIP assured my guy that he was going to get to the bottom of it...

Which we learned 45 minutes later must have consisted of a conversation similar to this:

DOJAKWHIP: Son!! Did you take some girls ipod?

JAKWHIP: What Father?! Of COURSE NOT!! I would NEVER steal! You and my wonderful mother (who incidentally are the best parents that any kid could ask for and I'm lucky that you are mine) taught me better than that!!!

DOJAKWHIP: That's swell! Now you and Wally go out and play ball with the fellas... But first phone that girls Dad back and explain this to him... poor guy! He was REALLY on the wrong track! I hope he finds the REAL thief!!

How did we come to that conclusion?

Because ol' JAKWHIP phoned my husband and assured him that he didn't steal the ipod and there must have been some kind of misunderstanding.

The Dad didn't even call back...he told the Beav to!!!!

**Sigh**

At the end of the day, we sit back and shake our heads...
and long for the days when parents stuck together...

The days when they all hoped that their kids would never do anything wrong, but they understood that in raising kids...ANYTHING is possible and that even the best kids make mistakes.... sometimes BIG ones...

The days where parents weren't afraid to be parents and understood that having a good relationship with our children, didn't mean that they had to be their best friends...

I would love to be a fly on the wall in JAKWHIP's house the day that Mom or Dad is faced with the reality that their son is a thief...

I do hope for their sake that someone in the village shakes them out of their "happy trance" before the Beav ends up in the slammer!!

In the meantime, my daughter has hopefully learned several valuable lessons including listen to your mother and "friends" is an overused term that has very broad definitions and obviously doesn't mean the same thing to everyone!!

If you happen to see JAKWHIP (a.k.a. the Beav) you might want to warn him not to mess with my girl again... now that her Four older, much larger, and now angry brothers are on to his games...

Michael...You're Such a Dope!

2009-02-02T17:17:00.011-05:00

Michael Phelps!

You just kicked butt in nearly every Olympic Swimming Event...

You're probably headed for Disney World ...

Where will you go from there?

Oh dear, Michael...

Couldn't you have at least waited for Amsterdam?

Or maybe gone someplace a bit more private

(and dude...whichever friend took and distributed your picture hitting that bong isn't REALLY your friend)

I CAAAN'T Stop!!!

2009-01-27T07:47:00.006-05:00

I've had a rough week, folks...

Our friend Karl often shares a little story about his daughter (his ONLY daughter...) and how her mysterious, perplexing and uniquely feminine ways often leave him confused...

about how in the past, if she were upset about something ...

I mean, REALLY upset about something, she would begin to cry....

and after the crying had continued for quite some time, she would announce through her tears that "I CAAAN'T STOP C-R-Y-I-N-G!!!!!!!"

This story has always made me smile... It's even made me chuckle over the dramatic flair of it all...

That is... until a few of days ago...

I had to face the moment that every pet owner signs up for, the day they bring that little ball of fluffy cuteness home to share their lives with...

The one that you don't think about in the midst of your excitement...

The one that no one warns you about when you open your home and your heart to a creature that becomes your kid... your baby... your pet...

One of my friends likened we moms relationship with our pets to that of being the parent of a perpetual toddler as they are so very dependent on us for everything and love us unconditionally... they stay that way their entire lives
(Plus - BONUS... never turn into stubborn know-it-all teenagers...)

They are happy just to be with us and hate it when we leave them...

This past week, I had to say goodbye to the one who has protected me, sat by my bed when I was sick, and loved me without condition for the last twelve years...

Our dog Marco went to heaven after battling diabetes as well as blindness for the past year and a half.

It was his time to go and I knew that...
I also anticipated that I would be sad and feel the loss...
I mean, he had, after all, been a HUGE part of our family for the last twelve years...

What I didn't see coming, however was the absolute devastation that I have encountered over the days since...

I went through an entire jumbo pack of Puffs Plus in 2 days...
(we're talking hundreds of tissues)

I felt absolutely gutted...

I suddenly have a new understand for my friends daughters plight...
Because "I CAAAN'T STOP C-R-Y-Y-Y-I-N-G!!!!"

You'll be glad to know that each day I'm doing a little bit better
(I've only teared up 5 times today and didn't once wail)

But he did leave an huge empty spot in out hearts that we are all feeling...

Farewell Marco-Boy!!
I know you'll be waiting for me at my front door in heaven...

But in the meantime, try to stay out of trouble!

Help for L.O.S.E.R.'s... Like Me!!!

2009-01-18T07:39:00.018-05:00

My name is Jackie, and I'm a Messy.

Although I've never dropped in to an AA meeting, I imagine that if I were to attend a support group that catered to my particular issues, the "LOwer Standards in Every Room" crowd, (or L.O.S.E.R.'s) this would have to be my introduction...

It's not that I try to be a disorganized cluster of a woman....

It just comes naturally to me!!

Through the years I have worked on this hole or flaw in myself, and have actually made great strides improving in this department...

Yet there are days when I find myself completely paralyzed as I look around my disorganized house and not only, do I not know where to even start to rid myself of the piles that I have accumulated, I also worry that if I unload the things that I haven't used for a long time, I may need them at some point in the future and be upset with myself for getting rid of them!!! (see illustration of my theory above)

The REALLY weird thing is that I have two sisters do not have this problem...

My one sister is VERY organized and can find some kind of balance with the "stuff" that she has and though she has stuff, it's very arranged and tidy...

The other sister has more of a minimalist approach and doesn't hold on to ANYTHING....

Personally speaking, I think the balanced sister is the lucky one, and the we two opposite ends of the spectrum are the ones that need to find that middle ground...

Anyhoo...

I have been inspired recently by a friend of mine who is a Professional Organizer...

Yes Virginia, there is such an occupation!!

Check out the blog on her site... I LOVED it!!!
She addresses things that L.O.S.E.R.'s like me need to hear!!

Thanks Kate!! Where have you been my whole life??!!

Her Blog has prompted me to think that maybe, if I tackle things one at a time... you know, baby steps, I too can get organized and perhaps jump straight to step 12 which states:

"Having had a awakening as the result of these steps, I tried to carry this message to other ~~addicts~~ Messies or L.O.S.E.R.'s, and to practice these principles in all our affairs"

Amen!

Now I'm off to spend 20 minutes with my spices...

It's a Bird! It's a Plane!! It's Marge!!!

2009-01-12T18:28:00.004-05:00

My BFF thinks she's Super Girl...
You know, the one who ISO a NGBF?
(she still hasn't found one)

Over the holidays she was trying to show her 16 year old son how to change a tire by way of walking him through the procedure...

Everything was going just fine until the jack began to slip and anticipating the ramifications of that, she did what any super hero would do...

She quite simply slipped her hand under the wheel well to catch the car before it fell...

Ordinary girls would never even attempt such a feat...

But due to her super-human powers, this was a piece of cake...

She simply eased the car to the ground so that no one got hurt...

Oh wait!!!

NO... Actually it went down more like this...

She simply grabbed the car with the INTENT of avoiding injuries, but instead, for some reason, her powers were being blocked by something
(she may have forgotten to put on her super suit that morning)
and she found herself pinned... by the hand.... between the wheel well and the tire....

Panic ensued, but soon cleared the way for quick thinking, and her hand was freed shortly after....bruised and battered, but not broken, thank God!

Some might hear this story and think to themselves that they would never do something like that....

But that's the thing about "stupid human tricks"...

We all do them...

Ever grab a cookie sheet with your bare hands ten seconds after you, yourself, just removed it from the 350 degree oven rack?!

Stupid Human Trick!!!

How about turning the keys in the ignition, only to find that you had already started it...(and then it makes that embarrassing noise that causes people to look to see which moron tried to start their already running car!!!)

Stupid Human Trick!!!

So before you judge ol' Super Girl... just remember that you, too, might get caught doing something without your super-suit on!

AXE and You Shall Receive...

2009-01-05T18:43:00.009-05:00

Is it just me??!!

Has anyone else noticed that half of the world doesn't ask for help anymore??

They axe for help...

For heavens sake people!!!!

Just look at the word before uttering it!!!

Ask...

A-S-K...

There's nothing violent about it...

You cannot chop firewood with an ask...
You can with an axe however...

Once a lady told me that if I needed to know something I should just axe her...
I told her right up front that I would never react to needing to know anything by axing a person...

I mean, I'm a peaceful kind of girl...

I make love, not war...
(she was NOT amused)

Today came the final straw...
as I was working, I had to go to a US Government site to gather information...
As I was not familiar with the site, I went to a help section where I was directed to this link...

Within 20 seconds, I heard a gentleman explain to me that this tool would give me quick access to the most "axed" for data series in the Bureau of Labor Statistics...

I kid you not... click and listen...

This needs to stop, I'm sure you'll agree...

I have decided that from now on, everytime someone axes me something,
I will give them one of these posters that I have designed for just such occasions...

Do you think it will catch on??

Blow, blow, blow your nose...

2008-12-30T10:18:00.006-05:00

I've been camped out on my couch for three days now...
Somehow, in the midst of all of the merriment...
all of the holiday kisses that were bestowed on me by friends and acquaintances as well as their husbands...
SOMEONE infected me with the crud...

So as I've lain on the couch "lounging" as my family would call it ("suffering"would be a more accurate description) life has continued to march on...

Here is a list of what I have accomplished in the last three days:

1) I've watched 17 movies...none in their entirety...
some I've attempted four times... still I've dozed...

2) I've picked up as well as driven kids... in my pajamas...
that's what I do...sick or not (and moaning and weeping doesn't seem to deter family members from asking me to help them out in some way)

3) I've blown my nose exactly 3,872 times... of those blows, 3,792 were done into paper napkins because I've long since run out of my beloved Puffs Plus and only remember that fact after Tony has left for his 12 hour shift at work

4) I've taken to rubbing lip balm under my nose (see #3)

I'm feeling a tad bit better this morning, and am contemplating the best way to decontaminate my couch...

Does Lysol come in industrial strength?

SPRITZ COOKIES - DENIED!!!

2008-12-22T23:26:00.007-05:00

We are getting down to the wire here to finish a load of things before the big guy comes on Wednesday night..

I am finding that the older I get, the less organized I seem to become, largely due to the fact that my life gets more complicated and the logistics of it all cause me to forget normal, every day things...
like my children's names...
or if Tony likes tomatoes in his salad...

He does NOT.... (as he reminded me for the 826th time just the other day)

Actually, I have never been THAT organized...
but truthfully, I am one of the few who don't stress over stuff like that...
I stress over other things...

Like why people are mean to each other...

and why...for the LOVE OF GOD... do they make full figured sized clothes with horizontal stripes??!!

I mean ... there ought to be a law...

So today I dragged myself back to the store for the 4th time in as many days and grabbed all of my baking supplies for my annual Pre-Christmas kitchen marathon...

I came home and got "the look" from my man that said "You spent waaaay too much money didn't you??!"
He doesn't scare me!
No siree!

Because I know what he likes...
and food is near the top of the list...
and sweets come in on the top of his foods list...

So in a day or so, he'll forget all about the money spent at the grocery store and be focusing on deciding which treat to eat first...

He threw me a tiny curve ball though when he said "Hey... please don't bother to make those plain cookies this year... they aren't very good and no one really eats them"

"You mean my Spritz cookies?" I inquired with disbelief in my voice.

"Yeah.... no one really likes them and they usually get tossed out"

So I took a few seconds to think about this...

the spritz cookies...

which always take me five times longer to make than any other cookie that I make...

No one likes??!!

YIPPIE!!!!!
WHOO-HOO!!!

I knew that my work had just been cut in half so instead of being insulted....
he actually made my day....

I definitely married the right guy for me!!!

B-I-N-G-O!!

2008-12-15T19:46:00.012-05:00

In my usual style of being politically incorrect...

Walmart stands alone in the "store where you can buy just about anything" department...

But WOW! I surely do hate it (with a burning passion)

and vow never to return each and every time I walk out of there!!

I constantly am amazed at the level of rudeness that I encounter every time I shop there!

Against every fiber of my being, I ventured to the Super Walmart just the other day on a quest for Christmas goodies for GGTP #1 and GTP #2.

I entered with a spring in my step...
a grin on my face...
and a heart filled with Christmas Cheer...

I left with a much lighter wallet...
a migraine...
and a right hook that was aching to be released on one of the 47 people who either left their shopping cart in the middle of the aisle while perusing both sides in a zig-zag pattern OR coughed "at me" without even attempting to cover their mouth...

I always find myself wondering where all of the other people shopping there came from...

For instance, I never see entire families with mullets anywhere else...

not that there's anything wrong with mullets per se.... they just aren't something that I see anywhere but Walmart...

Puzzling...

My good friend L sent me this printable Bingo card to take with me next time I go so that maybe I won't get so annoyed because I will be focused on getting "four corners" or "diagonal" first. Or for those larger shopping excursions, "cover-all"...

Check it out...and feel free to print it out and take along on your next Walmart Trek!!!

Click on the mini-bingo card below to view:

How Dry I Am....

2008-12-10T22:30:00.001-05:00

One of my BFF's is a tad bit dramatic... and she is always coming up with some reason to be concerned about her health...
This often times makes me laugh...
I am really not trying to be cruel... but sometimes I simply cannot help myself!

Her worries have ranged anywhere from early onset Alzheimer's (H-e-l-l-o!!! We ALL forget things M!!)
to
Headaches that she is convinced must be indicative of a brain tumor...

Here's an excerpt from our latest health discussion that took place a couple of days ago:

She - "My right eye is dry all the time lately"

Me - "Have you tried lubricating drops? You can buy them in the contact lens department at CVS"

She - "It's the start of something"

Me - "What?"

She - "You know.... menopause!"

Me - "Menopause???!!! What's that have to do with your eye?!"

She - "It's starting with my eye drying up... next it will be my skin.... then my "bits" (which is totally the way she refers to her "lady parts")

Me - "So you're telling me that this dry eye thing will end in your nether-regions?!" (which is what I like to call my "bits")

She - "That's EXACTLY what I'm telling you!"

I chuckled to myself about this for the rest of the day...

I mean, her reasoning is soooo silly!!!!

But now she's put that thought in my head...
and come to think of it....

MY right eye has been feeling kind of dry lately...

Specificity .... is a GOOD Thing....

2008-12-06T08:21:00.012-05:00

Our kayak buying friend learned a valuable lesson last weekend that I felt worth passing on...

When conducting an internet search for, let's say... the store hours for the sporting goods shop where you purchased your kayaks...

TRY to be specific to ensure desired results...

He learned the hard way (pun intended) that if you aren't careful while searching, you might get an eyeful of something that could send you running to a corner to suck your thumb and cry for your mommy!!!!

I won't go into particulars, but instead will give you a general idea of the trauma that he inflicted upon himself last weekend...

(Click on image to view full size)

~~"DICKS"~~ - NO

"DICKS SPORTING GOODS" - YES

R O Y G B I V Revisited

2008-12-01T07:20:00.011-05:00

Tony and I purchased Kayaks on Black Friday...

Actually, our friend was going to fight the crowds to buy himself two kayaks, so I asked if he would please just pick up a couple more for us...

I realize that it is a tad bit more inconvenient than asking someone to pick you up a loaf of bread, but there was some serious reasoning behind this...

This way there would be two less people filling up the store...

PLUS

We were just trying to do our part to help with crowd control...

He didn't buy that story either...

Being the good guy that he is, he agreed anyway, but also hinted that he might not be willing to get up at 5 a.m. to ensure said purchase...

In the end, he scored big time and called to let us know that we were now the proud owners of shiny new kayaks...
One yellow, one red...

Only one facet of this entire experience was going to cause me stress...
I now was faced with the deciding which color I wanted...
Tony always lets me choose first.. because he's a good guy.... he wants me to be happy...
This is a good thing...

EXCEPT -

I have a terrible time making those kinds of decisions!!

It's weird... I know!!!
I've raised five children and made literally thousands of choices that were FAR more important than this, yet each and every time I am faced with a judgment call of the color palate variety, I agonize over it...

My initial reaction was "I definitely wanted the red one...."
no question about it...
Then I started wondering if I would tire of paddling around in a kayak the color of an atomic fireball...

"I may want the yellow one..." is what I announce to my guy several hours later
I'm pretty sure that this was totally, NOT a surprise to him.

Over the past several days I have vacillated like this repeatedly.

(We have been toying with idea of buying a new car and I know that a color decision of that magnitude would probably necessitate a prescription of some sort!!)

But there is good news!!!!
I've decided that I am going to stick with my original color choice... RED!!!

Most Likely...

Do You Feel Like We Do?! (About Concert Standers)

2008-11-23T23:00:00.006-05:00

I have painstakingly recreated the scene from a recent concert that Tony and I attended...

He surprised me with tickets to see a long time favorite of mine; Peter Frampton...
The occasion was our 28th anniversary and I was totally excited and touched by such a wonderful gesture on his part....
You see, Tony never has been much of a Frampton lover...
(unlike the gentleman depicted in the front row who continually was sending "shout-outs" to Peter, professing how very much he LOVED him... By the end of it all, Peter was a little weirded out with all of the man-love this dude was sending his way...)

So basically, my man scored 100% in the gift giving department!!!

Here is a run down of the nights activities:

Out for drinks and appetizers at a small place close to venue
Arrive at concert and buy large cokes (to spike with spiced rum held in flask Tony smuggled in)

I probably should mention that we are "hard-core" concert participants who grew up in the 70's, which should explain aforementioned sneaky alcohol contraband...
We duck into a unisex single bathroom to execute our mixology...
We make a quick dash for the entrance to our seating only to be told that "just last week, the venue changed their policy, now NO DRINKS ALLOWED!"
Can you say, CHUG?! Because that's exactly what we did... All the planning... all the sneaking... all the rum and coke to drink!!! But we are pros... we managed....
Concert begins...

So we get to our seats, which were right in the middle...
where you could see Peter head-on....
where the glare off of his now hairless dome magically twinkled as he sang to me... "I'm in You"...
(oddly enough, my normally intuitive husband didn't even pick up on the sexual tension between Pete and me).
(the great seats became problematic however, once all of our chugging made our bladders completely full and we had to squeeze past 50 folks in either direction and apologize again and again for the disruption on the way to the restrooms)

Five minutes into the show, a lady several rows in front of us and to the left stood up and began her dance moves which numbered exactly four, which she repeated again and again.....and again, until the conclusion of the show...

I'm not kidding....

Here's the equation, for those of you who relate better to math than to simple stories:

Venue packed with 2000 seated people ready to have fun
+ 1 lone "stander", "dancer"
= Angry Mob of approximately 1999 PO'ed people

The show was fantastic, and I surprised myself with my ability to focus on the stage and push thoughts of bb-guns and spit-wads aimed at dancing lady's head aside...

for the most part....

with only the occasional urge to stand up and shout "SIT DOWN BEE-OTCH!!!!"

See...
I AM growing up!

The pipes, the pipes are STILL calling.....

2008-11-17T16:58:00.008-05:00

I received the following e-mail from my BFF Tracy, who as you may recall from last weeks post, just moved to Ireland from the good old US of A...

I miss her terribly...

No kidding....

She is learning many new things as you will see by reading the following:

(I am going to suggest she begin writing these things down so that she can publish a self-help guide to acclimating to Ireland for Yanks...)

She can then use the proceeds to purchase roundtrip tickets for Tony and I to come for a visit...

Hey!!
We haven't really got web Internet access in my home yet- but I wanted to send you a quick email about things that we have learned.

1. I can't drive on the other side of the road. I stink at this real bad.

2. If you want a hot bath/shower, you have to manually turn on the water heater switch each time.

3. Estate means subdivision- Green means yard and/or grass.

4. A skip is a dumpster

5. Don't order iced tea----ever- (This was Scott's lesson-)

6. The dollar doesn't go as far as it used to---

7. The washer is also a dryer-It took us 4 loads to figure the sucker out- but we got it now baby!

8. There is a light on the dishwasher that reads "salt" and it is lit- WTH?

9. You can't get a bank account without utilities in your name & you can't get utilities without a local bank account. haha.

10. There is an "isolator" button the bathroom- I am afraid to push it.

11. When you turn on the heater buttons, this may help heat your water?!#

12. The bread/food is delicious- they have riper mango here than in FL????

13. Yummy butter.

14. Yummy Chocolate

15. I am not going to lose weight.

16. My phone number is 045-987654 Weird, huh? (number has been changed to protect her from stalkers)

17. I don't think that people are in love with my accent.

18. All the clocks show military time- My math stinks...this is a problem.

19. I can see sheep grazing from my backyard or green or whatever.

20. When retrieving voice messages, you are supposed to press the "hash"---What is that? Just don't leave a voice message, because I can't retrieve them...

21. When people tell you that they are going to "call"- expect a visit not a telephone call- that would be a "ring."

Okay- That is all I got- I'll send pics when I get Internet. How is everybody? We should have email by next week- but I'll try to stop by the office sooner & check on things...

xox,

Just in case you wanted to know how I replied:

So glad to 'hear' from you!!!!
I miss you tons already!!

Since you left I learned a few things too:

I can't drive on the other side of the road either...

(the policeman that pulled me over said so!)...JK

We have yummy butter and chocolate too...

I'm not going to lose weight

Did I mention I miss you?!!

xo Jackie

Reason # 762 why I LOVE playing on the internet!!!

2008-11-12T23:55:00.004-05:00

My Blog Buddy Sue over at As Cape Cod Turns
had posted a funny one of these on her site...
It made me laugh SOOOO HARD, that I just HAD to try it out casting myself and Tony as the lead dancers...
I'm still laughing...

Must...

Stop....

Laughing....

(before I pee myself a little)

Ummmm...... Too late..... ;)

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

I love ya' tomorrow.... Your only a day away....

2008-11-09T00:42:00.010-05:00

Overheard Yesterday:

4 yr old GGT: "Umm... I'm soooo sorry, I can't come over tomorrow, cuz I'm going to Bill and Marianne's to see Bella and ride on Bill's tractor"

Intense listening while person on the other end of phone responds to this news...

"Okay, I will come....

But not tomorrow,

I'll have to come another morrow...."

PRICELESS!!!

The pipes, the pipes are calling.....

2008-11-05T08:22:00.006-05:00

One of my BFF's announced recently that she is moving to Ireland...
This news is bittersweet, because on one hand, I could not be happier for her...
she and her family REALLY wanted this...
However...
My heart feels heavy and my eyes keep threatening to leak...

Though I am sad, I am willing to push that aside and support her 100%

I have given considerable thought to what I can do to show her that I have her back.

In the spirit of friendship,
I have decided to brush up on my Irish vernacular so that I can give her an edge in her new community...

1. When in a public place, if you find yourself in need of a bathroom, ask for the location of the Loo or the Jacks. If you ask where the restroom is... they'll look at you funny and make fun of you when you leave...

2. When in a pub, if you need to "go"#2...
see #1...
Because if you ask for the crapper, you'll end up with a half glass of whiskey

3. If you are in a pub and someone says they are pissed, don't proceed to tell them where the bathroom is... or think that they are mad at you...
Pissed means having had too much to drink... aka drunk...

A great way to fit in would be to try and speak with an Irish accent...
It will be EASY!
I've watched "Waking Ned Devine" and Disney's "Luck of the Irish" as well as Lucky Charms commercials for most of my life and I think I've got it down...

Instead of using the "er" sound for E-R, simply replace with "ahr" (think pirate)
Also, when a word ends in "ng", simply drop the "g" sound..
When referring to yourself in ways that you would normally use "my" use "me" instead...

So in lieu of saying a normal, everyday Irish phrase with an American accent, for example,

"Saints Preserve us! What are you doing?"

Try saying:

"Saints Pre-sahr-ve us! What ahr you doin'?

(okay... I'll admit it....I grabbed that line from the aforementioned Disney film... where they used that particular line often... I cannot personally guarantee the authenticity of the phrase)

I took the liberty of creating an ID badge that she can wear for the first few months to make it easier for the locals to accept her as one of their own...
It will also cover her if she slips and forgets to use her convincing Irish accent...

You'll be able to follow her journey on her website...

Give Me a V! Give me a O!....

2008-11-04T07:04:00.008-05:00

I heard someone talking about elections past, and how there are a certain percentage of voters that assume that they know how the vote will go, based on media predictions, etc... They were commenting that some voters actually don't bother voting if they think that their candidate isn't going to win...
CRAZY!!!!

To those folks I say...
Don't Assume...
(it makes an ass out of you ~~and me~~...
actually it just makes an ass out of you!

Get out there and VOTE!

Have your say... it matters!

Bum-mer....

2008-10-30T13:56:00.001-04:00

In the "spirit" of tomorrows occasion....

When my older kids were little (they are all 'growed-up' now and have kids of their own) we relocated to Florida from Massachusetts, which is where my husband is from and we lived for many years...

If you've never spoke to anyone who is from Mass., they have a language all their own, which they speak with a very unique accent...

They pahk cahs (park cars)...
They also drink tauwnic (tonic) which is what they call any kind of soda including, Pepsi, Root Beer & Mountain Dew...
They have cute words for things... for instance, they call posteriors, "bums", which is what my kids grew up referring to their hineys as...

Shortly before the first Halloween after we settled into our new life in the tropics, my nieces came over for a visit...

I overheard a conversation between my two oldest boys and my niece that went something like this:

Niece: Hey Cuz... what are you going to be for Halloween?

Son # 1: I don't know...

Son #2: Me either...

Son #1: What are you going to be?

Niece: Probably a bum...

*** Dead Silence****

Followed by giggles and much hilarity between my 2 boys...

Son #1: How are you going to do that??!!!

This is the point where I intervened and informed all parties that there was a tiny communication gap and why...

We all cracked up over this over and over....

One last thing...

Do you know why ghosts cannot have children?

Give up???

Because they have Hollow-weanies!!

Have fun and BE SAFE this Halloween...

SHOCKING!!

2008-10-22T09:06:00.000-04:00

Guilty Pleasure #842

I know the first step to admitting that you have a problem is telling someone.

To be totally honest with you, I'm not prepared to do that, because although my fascination with pop culture is great... it is still within the norm.

Norm being a relative term...

My guilty pleasure came in the mail a couple of days ago in the form of a magazine to which I received a free subscription six months ago. It's one of those magazine that adorns it's cover with celebrity photos along with words like "SHOCKING!" and "EXCLUSIVE!"...

When it arrives, Tony always sighs and says something along the lines of "Jackie!! Why is this crap coming in the mail?!!! I cannot even believe the fact that you read this junk!!!" (I cleaned this up a bit for your delicate ears)

That's usually when I say something like "Don't judge me.... I like to look at the pictures!!" Occasionally, I'll revert to my 11 year old self and toss in "You are NOT the boss of me!!!"

So the other day, when this weeks issue arrived in the same delivery as TV Guide,
(which is also a guilty pleasure because I ~~count on it to see what's on~~ love to read about what's coming up, breaking news and cheers and jeers...fellow readers will understand)
Tony came through the door announcing that the mail had arrived. I was working, so I wasn't focusing on home, but rather on work...

A few minutes later I heard him laughing, which on it's own wasn't that out of the ordinary...
I mean, he's a funny guy, which is part of the reason why he and I have worked out so well for all of these years. I figured that something on TV was the cause...

I continued working...

Several minutes later, I heard more laughter as he walked up with my magazine in hand to show me some pictures of stars without makeup (looking at them constitutes guilty pleasure # 201 ... but more on that later)

I didn't say a word, but filed the incident away for the next time he calls me out about one of my "things" that I love and he doesn't...

Hey Pot! It's me Kettle!

Politically Incorrect Moves - The Early Years

2008-10-18T17:42:00.002-04:00

Flashback -
Early Months 1969-

Although I was still a little girl, my older sisters and brothers were beginning to leave our nest to start lives of their own.

I was the flower girl in my sister Vicki's (T.V.'s) wedding when I was three.....
(and a darned cute one if I do say so myself!)

Naturally, as with many young, married couples, she and her husband decided to have a baby...

Although I was very young, I remember the excitement that the entire family experienced...
I remember my Mom making comments to other family members regarding the fact that she was VERY young to be a Grandmother...

I remember having a few things to say on the subject too...
Things that seemed highly sensible to my six year old self...

Like I hoped it was a girl because I always wanted a baby sister and since my Mom would never cooperate with me, a niece would have to do...

Like I hoped that it would be healthy...

and cute...

and white...

You heard right...
I said it alright!!!

But hold your horses for a second...

before you get all "oh my gosh! how could she have just said that?!"

I want to point out a few important facts...

Remember... I was six....

I had NO idea about the birds and the bees...
I desperately wanted a fake little sister, who would really be my niece, but who I could still boss around...
Even at six, I knew that good health was essential and that cute couldn't hurt...
At six, I also knew that white matched the rest of the family and I figured that couldn't hurt either...

I can still remember the reaction that my last statement received...

first stunned...

then hysterical...

I remember thinking how dumb they all were for laughing at a perfectly good wish list...
Incidentally, all of my wishes came true...

But my tendencies to say the wrong thing without meaning to offend, unfortunately are just part of who I am...

I frankly don't care about black, white, purple or blue...
But put me in a room filled with plaid, and I'm bound to say something about kilts or tartans or something else that I've never even thought of saying before...

I think it's a birth defect...
One that I live with every darned day...

I'm beginning to think that our gene pool could use some chlorine...

Great Google Goggles!!

2008-10-13T08:05:00.015-04:00

Okay, so I was reading Time magazine over the weekend because I like to keep my finger on the pulse of the world...

I know...
Even I can't keep a straight face while speaking (or typing) that sentence!

To be perfectly honest, I do enjoy skimming through it each week, and occasionally, I do glean a thing or two about what's going on beyond the 20 mile radius of what I like to call "my life"

A small article caught my eye in this weeks edition.

It was about a new feature that google is offering for their e-mail users. I happen to be one of them, so obviously I wanted to know what was in it for me...

Seriously...

The new feature is called "Mail Goggles"

Don't confuse this with male goggles, which although highly effective in the pool, don't provide one lick of help with your e-mail

or Beer Goggles, which are more helpful to desperate folks who are trying to "find friends" in all the wrong places...

Any-whooo..
Tap-tap-tap... is this mic on?

Right!
Mail Goggles!

I ran to my computer to find out what the heck this was all about and low and behold, right in the setting section was the option to utilize this new feature.

Here is the description given to describe this fabulous invention:

"Google strives to make the world's information useful. Mail you send late night on the weekends may be useful but you may regret it the next morning. Solve some simple math problems and you're good to go. Otherwise, get a good night's sleep and try again in the morning. After enabling this feature, you can adjust the schedule in the "General" settings page."

Fantastic!!!!

Now I am totally up the creek, because not only I am a night owl, but occasionally, even when I am stone-cold sober, I have difficulty performing mental math...

I do, however, know a few people who could benefit from this unique setting, and will be emailing to share this info with them right away...

Or as soon as I can solve a couple of math problems...

This may take a while...

Are YOU looking at ME?!

2008-10-08T19:22:00.005-04:00

I Left My Heart in....

2008-10-03T07:36:00.014-04:00

I have a problem with several of my 'peeps'...
or maybe it's they who have a problem with me...
Some of these friends actually get angry with me for my allegiance to the sports teams that first gave me that warm and fuzzy feeling that only your true love can...

The Red Sox, Bruins and the NE Patriots...

Maybe it's because they come from the same place as where the life that I now lead began...

where I met my guy nearly 30 years ago...

where 4 of my 5 children were born...

where I lost my....

car keys once.
(get your minds out of the gutter for Pete's sake!!)

I do root for the home teams here as well...
and they have served us well over the last several years-

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Super Bowl XXXVII Champions

The Tampa Bay Lightning - 2004 Stanley Cup Champions

The Tampa Bay Rays - 2008 AL East Division Champions
(participating in the playoffs for a shot at the World Series Title)

I always root for these, my now home teams...

That is, UNLESS...
The Patriots, Bruins, or Red Sox are playing against them...

So you can probably understand now why this is a problem for some of my die hard Tampa Bay buds...

They don't understand.

As happens sometimes in life, my love is misunderstood...

So just so we're straight here, I'll run it down for you once again -

During these AL Playoffs... I am rooting like crazy for the Rays to win thier series against the White Sox...
But, I am also rooting for the Red Sox (i them) to beat the Angels...

Given all of those facts, we both know what is going to happen if they both beat their opponents and have to face each other for the coveted slot in the World Series...

I'll have to close all of my shades and sit on the edge of my seat alone to watch those games...

or risk having the crap beat out of me...

PS - Leslie... now everyone will know it was you (and Len) if anything happens to me!

I Saw the Signs....

2008-09-29T06:50:00.006-04:00

It's happened...

Just like out of a scary movie...

My deepest, darkest fears about the lurkers near my front door came to be last night...

Son #2 stopped over for a visit and when he opened the door to come in...

It slipped (or jumped) in virtually unnoticed by #2...

We're talking I-N-S-I-D-E!!! My house!!!

I had a feeling weeks ago about these guys!!

I KNEW what they were up to...

Though my family thought I was being a bit paranoid...

I saw the signs... especially when I looked at this one -

After I shrieked like an 8 year old girl the following conversation ensued:

"TONY!!! Get over here!!! There is a frog in the house!!!"

"So GET it!"

"Look! I'll get spiders, I'll get moths when they occasionally sneak in with visitors....
But I AM NOT GETTING A FROG!!!"

"Jackie! You are being ridiculous!!!"

"I'm totally okay with you thinking that way about me...
just please get your butt over here and GET-HIM-OUT!!!!!"

Several attempts and a successful capture in a size 11 shoebox later, he was relocated to the OUTSIDE of the house where he belongs...

"He was scared...poor guy" Tony told me after it was all over...

"Don't buy into that.... it was just an act... to gain sympathy from someone on the 'inside'...
They want allies"

"You ARE crazy! You know that right?!"

"That's right... I'm crazy alright...Crazy like a Fox!"

But I'm already worried what their next move will be...

As I said before...

If you stop hearing from me... Call 911

Because the way this guy, who I'm pretty sure is the ringleader, keeps staring at me...

I'm sure he's thinking up something...

"

Are You With Me Here?

2008-09-25T07:22:00.009-04:00

Don't think I'm getting all crazy-political-power on you, but I HAVE to mention how very sick I am of all of the Election hype that is going on as usual, because of the upcoming election.

I've come up with my own solution to the confusing hard-to-believe spins that every candidate puts on their campaign.
My idea would cut to the chase...
Spare us all from having to listen to all the mudslinging and ridiculous promises...
It would actually revolutionize the entire electoral process...
With this new process, there would be no TV ads... no photo ops... no bashing... no empty promises...

Here's how it would work:

First, each candidate would should be sequestered to a room where they have no one to assist them in filling out a job application. They are after all, trying for a job... a BIG job.

Secondly, they would have to fill out a questionnaire where they have to answer 50 questions about themselves and their values. Their answers would have to only be about themselves and they would be disqualified if any of their answers mentioned, in any way, the other candidate. This way, they would have to sell themselves, based on themselves, and not by using the other guy as a measuring stick. (i.e. My favorite color is green....HIS favorite color is red, which OBVIOUSLY tells you that he is sympathetic to communist views! As everyone knows, it's a proven fact that people who prefer green are better in every way...)

Next, they would have to write up a contract themselves including specifics of what they are planning to accomplish in office, which legally would bind them to any promises that they are trying to sell themselves to the American people by making.
Breach of this contract would be punishable by death
(not really, but it DID sound dramatic)
If they break their contract, they are out... and the runner up shall take their place... Just like the Miss America Pageant!

Finally, they would have to write a 500 word essay which would answer a question that would be completely random and that would force them to think outside the box, without the help of professional writers. For example: "If I had to be a musical instrument I would be...." or "The reason I do/don't like soap operas is...."
You know, something that will REALLY throw them off and make them think on their feet...

Every voter would view the results the night before the election and that way everyone could take an evening to mull it over before heading to the polls the next day...

I think this could actually work!

Are You With Me Here?

Birthdayfest, Part XII.....

2008-09-22T07:45:00.006-04:00

In honor of my ongoing birthday celebration, Son #1 took me to his favorite restaurant...

It was fancy and fabulous!! It was actually the best dining experience ever...

This was a surprise that the waitress brought us at the end of the meal...

It was a mountain of vanilla ice cream with smashed up heath bars all over the top...

The writing on the plate was done in chocolate syrup and I was sooooo glad that someone finally got the years right!

Bacardi 151 was poured on top, table side and then it was lit on fire...

The flavors came together in a wonderful way!

Don't you just love birthdays?!

Why, Yes It Is!!! Thanks For Asking!!

2008-09-18T08:19:00.010-04:00

It's FINALLY arrived....

My BIG Day....

I'm pretty darned siked...
except that already, one of my kids forgot...

(although he didn't forget to ask me to do him a favor as he rushed out the door...)

At least my GGT #1 is nearly as excited as I am about my birthday...

He wants to know what kind of cake we're going to have...
and will he get a goodie bag... (which makes me wonder? What do grown-up goodie bags have in them? Airline sized bottles of Bacardi?)
and if he will get to out to lunch too....

I think I'm detecting a theme in the thought process he is having....

That's alright though...
I appreciate any and all support for the betterment of my birthday...

I've got Birthday-ing to do here people!!

Enjoy MY special day in your own special way!

PS - Check out this special post on my sisters blog which she made just for me!!!
She ROCKS!!

(If anyone else wants to pay tribute to me on this VERY special day, I won't be offended ;)

This Joint is Hopping...

2008-09-15T07:43:00.014-04:00

I have a problem...

I have noticed a disturbing trend happening on my front porch over the last several weeks...

After the sun has gone, and the time to turn on the light outside my front door has come...

Something else arrives...

Without fail...

As fascinating as they are....

I'm a little creeped out by them...

Now I KNOW they are only there for the all-you-can-eat buffet of bugs that are attracted to the porch light... Right?!?

But I get the distinct feeling that they are watching me...

One jumped on my arm the other day when I was getting my keys out to unlock the door...

The embarrassing spectacle that followed was not pretty at all...

(the above picture is a re-creation of the actual event that took place on my front porch)

Anyone have any ideas?
(No, I WILL NOT kiss them... just in case they are princes in need of disenchantment)
(We're all out of BB's)

But Honestly...
Do you think I should I be worried about this guy?

If you stop hearing from me...
Call 911...

Ready, Set, Noodle!!

2008-09-12T09:16:00.011-04:00

In recognition of the terrible injustices in this
world including, but not limited to, and in no
particular order, rising taxes, unaffordable health care,
war, my daughter not getting her rightful title,
and there being no cure for stupid,
I've chosen one of these problems (randomly) and prepared a
report card to address this horrible issue today...

I should also mention that I have been stocking up on pool noodles and hope
that you will be willing to stand up for this issue with me...
Remember!!
Actions speak LOUDER than words!!

And there are some sophomores out there who need to be taught a lesson!

Stupid Word Trick...

2008-09-11T07:35:00.017-04:00

Have you ever looked at a word or name quickly and your brain registers something similar yet different than what is actually written...

Now I don't believe that this is genetic, because I've witnessed loads of other people do it to whom I am not related to, although I will say that my family is prone to these experiences...

Yesterday, I had a moment similar to my sisters Janine Lee-Aither fiasco...

But without the Bible...

And I was at home, not at church...

I was listening to Slacker Radio, which is what I usually have on while I am sitting at my computer working, when a song came on that sounded like old school Frank Sinatra or some other rat-packer... kinda cool and peppy...

Did I just say "peppy"???

Let's just keep that between us, okay?

Well, I glanced up to see who it was and thought that maybe they had made a mistake...
I mean, it sounded like a man.

But it said Michelle...
Michelle Bubble, to be exact...

I'd never heard of her... but DAMN! She's GOOD!!!
I made a mental note to look her up on itunes!!

I took a second look and started laughing...

Out Loud...

To Myself...

(which is the type of behavior that usually prompts my family to look at me funny and slowly shake their heads in disbelief...)

Okay, I admit it!
I made a mistake!!

Actually, it was Michael Bublé... not Michelle Bubble...
As great as that voice was, I must admit that I was relieved that it was a man...
Because a woman with a voice like that might find it hard to get a date...

I was also relieved that he didn't have to walk around with the last name 'Bubble'...
I can only imagine the nicknames a last name like that could get you...

Bubble-Butt
Bubble-icious
Bubble-Head

So if you aren't familiar with ~~old Bubble Butt~~ Michael Bublé, check him out! He's fantastic!

PS- Incidentally, I just realized it's only 7 more days to B-day! (not to be confused with D-Day which had absolutely nothing to do with my birthday!) ;)

The Kind that's NOT from the Netherlands...

2008-09-07T22:25:00.007-04:00

My daughter has decided to run for homecoming 'court' which has left me with two very distinct feelings.

First of all, I feel happy that her self-esteem is at a level where she would actually put herself out there in this way. (last year I actually encouraged her to throw her name in the ring and she said absolutely not because she said she could NEVER win)

Secondly, I feel scared that after the voting, if she doesn't 'make it', she will feel like she isn't 'good enough', which will then make me want to beat the sophomore voters over the head with pool noodle and ask them what is wrong with them for making such a terrible mistake!!!
(as well as insisting that they do a recount!)

All of this leads to the fact that she and one of her friends were creating posters to place around the school the other day...

I was trying to give them suggestions for campaign slogans to which her friend was politely laughing and my darling daughter was rolling her eyes...

As they went to write on these posters, I reminded them to be sure to spell everything correctly...
No one wants to vote for poor spellers...
(that's my story and I'm sticking to it)

They said 'Duchess' is spelled D-u-t-c-h-e-s-s, right?

No, I said, there is not a 'T' in Duchess...
They weren't convinced so I went to dictionary.com and proved it to them once and for all...

They were relieved to make this discovery BEFORE they began 'postering'...

A couple of days later, another girl was over and said that my daughter's posters were the only ones that spelled Duchess right...

I overheard my daughter telling her friend that only stupid people would vote for someone who misspells the title that they are running for...

We'll soon see....

Fingers Crossed!!

And now I'm wondering what MY title will be if she wins...

Grand Duchess??
(I'll admit it.... I LIKE the sound of THAT!)

Will Tony be known as Duke after that?

or Grand Duke?

Do you think I should wait until AFTER the vote to change our titles in the phone book to reflect our possible new royal titles?

Apocalypse.... NOW?

2008-09-04T07:48:00.004-04:00

This totally cracked me up!

A friend and I were recently discussing school shopping with our teenagers at the mall....

I was mentioning my #4 son's attention to detail with his wardrobe and how he suddenly loves all things Pacsun... especially the mens skinny jeans...

My daughter on the other hand, can find stuff at several mall stores that she likes, as well as Target...

This woman was telling me that her daughter LOVES the 'Apocalypse Store'

I know...

I was confused for a second too...

"You mean Aeropostale?" I said

'Aeropostale... Apocalypse... What's the difference?!' was her reply

"Ummmmm... one's a store and one's a movie" was my response

'Now you're splitting hairs!' was her final comment
(and the end of our conversation...)

Sistahs...

2008-09-02T07:36:00.002-04:00

My big sister came to visit me recently...

Before you conjure up visions of all 5'3 1/2" of me walking through the mall with a 7'2" sibling, I should let you know that we are exactly the same height...
and without giving away too many secrets about myself...
I will say, that although I'm sure she could hold her own against the likes of, let's say, someone like Jennifer Aniston if Jen "threw down' with her...
She wouldn't stand a chance against me, based on the laws of physics...
(which is my nice was of saying, I'm the 'BIG' sister, if you're not counting age to measure)

It's funny how at 45 I am still the baby sister...
I've realized that when it comes to sisterhood, my age has absolutely NO RELEVANCE...
As far as being a sister goes, I only know how to be a 'little' one...

It's totally my mother's fault...
I BEGGED her to have another baby...
She would always just chuckle and say things like "I don't think so"...

But she KNEW SO... because once, when I was around 10, I was enjoying perusing through her dresser drawers looking at all of her scarfs, costume jewelry and evening gloves
(which incidentally, ALL moms were REQUIRED to own back-in-the-day)
when I came across a funny looking package that housed a bunch of small pills arranged in a circle....
I didn't learn exactly what they were until quite a few years later, and when I did, I instantly understood why Mom would chuckle while saying she didn't think so...

It doesn't really matter though...
Because Big or Little, Oldest or Youngest...
We're still just SISTERS

We have the best time just being sisterly...
While she was here we shopped, ate, and went to the movies with some of my friends...
We laughed a lot...
We cried a little (because we miss our Mom)...
Then we laughed some more...

But mostly we just embraced our roles in each others lives...

Big Sister & Little Sister...

Right Around the Corner...

2008-08-30T12:23:00.002-04:00

I wanted to mention a little something to those of you who haven't known me for an entire year yet...

I LOVE my birthday!

I'll bet right around now, you're thinking...
"OK... so she loves her birthday!... and she's telling me this... WHY?!"

I'm sharing this intimate detail about myself with all of you because I just don't want anyone to feel blindsided when September 1st rolls around and my Birthday month commences complete with the Deep End banner all tricked out for the occasion!

I have forever loved my birthday...
I think my family always ~~held out hope~~ assumed that once I was a grown up, my enthusiasm would settle down a bit...
They were wrong...

It used to be about the presents when I was a kid...
Although I do still LOVE presents, it's now more about the celebrating...
About being Queen for the ~~Day~~ Month...
About gathering friends together and going dancing (which is something else that I LOVE to do)

Over the last 8 or 9 years, I have had BFF Les make a fuss over my birthday...
It's because ~~she's such a nice person~~ her birthday is the day before mine...
And as fate would have it, we embrace our birthdays with the same level of exuberance!
How cool is that?!

Okay....she IS actually a really nice person too...

So enjoy the last days of August and get plenty of rest...
Because September,
a.k.a.

'Birthday Month'
'Jackie & Leslie's September Fest' (BIGGER than Oktoberfest around these parts... that is, if WE have anything to say about it!!)
'Move-Over-Labor-Day-Because-the-New-September-Holiday-Is-Here'

is just around the corner!

Let's remember people, that we all need to pace ourselves and keep our eyes on the prize so that we can fully enjoy the month without fizzling out too early...

Don't Put a Cork in it!!!

2008-08-27T18:36:00.015-04:00

I'm cutting edge!!

I can't believe I just said that... but it's totally true...

Time magazine revealed the news to me today, when I read a very interesting piece...
that's what people that actually READ Time magazine, not just skimming through and looking at the pictures within, call the articles scattered throughout the pages... Pieces...
Now that I am cutting edge, I should probably consider coming up with a newer word to describe these stories, instead of using 'Pieces'...

Hmmmmm....

I got nothing....

I'll just stick to pieces for now...

So you are most likely on the very edge of your seat waiting to hear why exactly I am so ahead of the pack...

I won't make you wait a second longer.

TWO words...

BOXED WINE

Are you jumping up and down, clapping?!
Okay, settle down for a second while I fully explain...

The Italian Agriculture Ministry has made a recent announcement which revealed that they will be allowing certain wines produced under it's label to be sold in boxes...
Yes, you heard correctly...
Italian Vino in a box!

I've been drinking wine from a box for years now...
Yes, you heard right...
YEARS...

Which means that I am cutting edge...
I'm ahead of the Italian Agriculture Ministry...
I'm NOT tacky because I can occasionally open my wine without the use of a corkscrew...

So to all of you haters out there who have looked at the occasional wine box consumer with disdain...
I'm sad for you...
Because if you READ Time Magazine like I do, you would realize the error of your ways...
and the next time you were in the grocery store, you might be tempted to buy a "Box-O-Wine"...
(and you might actually like it)

If it's good enough for my Pisan's... it's good enough for me!

And though I love box wine...
it's not actually with a burning passion...
you know, the way I love my new set of glasses...,

So please do not buy me a shirt like this one for my birthday
(which happens to be coming up VERY soon!)

Keep to the Code...

2008-08-25T06:59:00.014-04:00

I spent some quality time with GGT & GT#2, on Friday...
and by quality time I mean semi-controlled chaos...

You know how sometimes you just get a feeling that something is going to happen?
A kind of esp, an inkling, or a vibe...
Well my 6th sense alarm was really ringing as GT#2 arrived.

Remember him?
Sweet little man who has his own special powers which begin with a smile, and usually end with you giving him something.
Like a cookie...
or a Mustang GT...

As he arrived, I had a feeling in my bones that he was going to be 'enthusiastic' that evening...
Was it a heavenly hunch?
Did I, in fact, have an extraordinary gift of foresight that needed to be used for making the world a better place?

I decided that it was not a 6th sense experience after all, but rather the regular old use of one of the original 5 God gave me...

Sight...

Because as his Mom was dropping him off to me with his usual bag of tricks, including extra clothes and PJ's...
She held in her hand, a bag, which was filled with a white substance which has caused many a mother to lose sleep at night...

A compound so powerful that one puff can cause a small child to run around in circles for no apparent reason...

You guessed it...

Showing up with this 'treat' for the boys broke the following codes:

the well known 'Mother's Code' that ALL moms should just know

the Pirate's Code... too much of this kind of treat which incidentally includes 0% vitamin C, and HELLO SCURVY!

the Knight's Code... adding these to your diet could cause your suit of armor to get too snug and how can you be chivalrous if your suit is too tight?!

Morse Code... Let's just say: . - - - . . - . . . - / . . . . - - . - - / - . - - - or Just / say /no

The bag was opened and I could tell by the look in his eyes, that he was already hopped up on the stuff.

I said I would put them up for later...

and by later, I meant never...

We all got through the night and the following depicts my living room at 11 pm...
Can you tell which boy was kept off 'the stuff' and which one had a 'monkey on his back' (or at the very least, high levels of pure sugar coursing through his system)

What have we learned here today?

JUST SAY NO!
and for heaven's sake!!! Keep to the code (at least one of them!)

And Now, Playing the Part of...

2008-08-22T07:12:00.015-04:00

I have this one weird thing.

To be perfectly honest, I actually have several weird things, the least of which is a rogue hair that sprouts in a place which I am certain it is not meant to grow...

Back to my 'thing'...

Here's the thing.

Oh dear...

I seem to be on one of those things where you are suddenly aware of a word that you are overusing and the ~~thing is~~ problem is, that the more you think about the ~~thing~~ use of the word, the worse ~~the thing~~ it gets...

Anywhooooo...

Let me start over...

Whether I am reading a book, watching a movie/tv show/play, I tend to designate who "I am" in the ~~thi..~~ book/movie/tv show/play.

Way back when the earth was new, and I was seven...
I decided that my 'Brady Role" was that of Marcia.
Actually I was also Laurie in the Partridge Family...
and Mary Ann on Gilligans Island...

I'm not a self absorbed designator..
I often assign characters to my friends and family as well...

Each one of my closest friends secretly had a role in the Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood (and they didn't even know it!)

Recently, I've personally made an important scientific discovery!

Not really... but I've always wanted to say that...
I have actually found that as with other 'things' that are part of who I am,
this 'thing' seems in all likelihood to be genetic...

I made this hypothesis based on a recent trip to the movies with my sister, Tricky Vicki (or T.V.)...
We went to see Mamma Mia! with a couple of my friends , which incidentally is FAB! If you haven't seen it yet... Go!!

So here's where my keen sense of observation kicked in leading to the revelation that this is not just a 'weird thing' but indeed a 'genetic thing'...

Halfway through the movie, there is a scene where Donna (played by Meryl Streep) is joined on stage by her BFF's Tanya (Christine Baranski) and Rosie (Julie Walters) to sing...
as I am watching this big scene, T.V. leans over and taps my arm and says "You're in the middle" and she points to the left "That's me" and she points to the right "That's Linda"
(Linda is our other sister)

I cracked up because, not only did I realize at that very moment, that I am not quite as weird as I thought I was, because obviously this 'thing' runs in our family...
but even more hilarious is that her designations were exactly the same as mine!!

So now I don't feel quite so strange about my designation habit...

But NOW...

about that hair.....

And the winner is....

2008-08-19T16:30:00.009-04:00

Thanks for your comments as well as e-mail submissions in 'naming the thought bubble'!

My favorite one was left via anonymous comment and so I've placed in it's proper place, inside the thought bubble next to Little Man's sweet little head!

I chose it because it is true...

When he gives you this look, it's like making eye contact with the lady with all the snakes on her head in 'Clash of the Titans'...

except instead of turning to stone...
you melt into a big puddle and give him anything he wants...

Quarters...

Candy...

The keys to your car...

(just checking to see if you were paying attention!)

Have I mentioned how cute he is?

I mean really!
That face is soooo pinchable!

204 Months... and counting...

2008-08-17T21:08:00.007-04:00

Son # 4 had a birthday today!

He's now 17...
in people years...

(which is 204 months in young perky mom talk... because they can't let go of their babies!)

I'm feeling a bit nostalgic...

I've kept humming the 'Sunrise, Sunset' tune from Fiddler on the Roof over and over in my head all day....
and now so will you...

For that you can thank me...

You're welcome!

Time does have its way of whizzing by...
even faster than Old #4 can on his new longboard!

I've made of list of reasons it's great to be 204 months old (a.k.a. 17!)

1. Hellooooo!!
R-Rated movie admittance without a parent or guardian!

2. 16 is like, SO last year!

3. Shaving is no longer optional

And the FINAL reason that 17 is awesome...

4. Chicks dig 'older guys'

Name the Thought Bubble...

2008-08-13T00:46:00.007-04:00

Here is one of my little men...
a.k.a. Grand-tadpole #2 (GTP#2)
We met him (along with his Dad) for lunch when my sister came for a visit...

My sister snapped this shot after we had all finished eaten and were about to leave the restaurant...

I'd love to know what he was thinking about at the time...

I think it might have been candy, which the mere thought of, has been known to cause kids to spontaneously smile for no apparent reason...

Or maybe it was puppies?

Maybe even chasing lizards...

I'm not sure but MAN! He's cute!

He may have been basking in the glow of what a
terrific Grammy he has...
(HEY! You never know... It could have happened!)

Okay, now YOU tell me what you think his thought bubble should say...
I'll re-edit with my favorite from your comments!

Unsolicited Advice From the Deep End

2008-08-10T10:16:00.010-04:00

If you EVER buy ~~your 15 year old daughter~~ one of your children, a new queen sized bed...
and you have to buy all new bedding because you don't have any other q.s.b.'s in the house...
and your husband ~~orders~~ suggests that you "Just go buy the stuff without her!"
Do yourself a HUMONGOUS favor...
Listen to his ~~demands~~ advice...

How do I know this?
Let me give you the quick rundown...

New bed arrives
Sister is visiting from NC
She is on the same wavelength as husband
I am a rebel.... I want to do things MY way (which incidentally in THIS case was a mistake)
I say "It's HER (daughters) room, SHE should be there to see what she likes"

Here is where it gets ugly...

Sister says "okay, great!"
We go to first store and suggest 16 comforter sets... daughter looks and makes face similar to this:

I told you before, I get this one A LOT lately!!

By store #5... yes, you heard right.... store #5, we've heard all kinds of negative reactions, including "I HATE polka dots with a burning passion!" and "Eeew! Stripes are sooooo ugly!" and let's not forget the texture critiques including the "Too" family - too bumpy, too scratchy, too slippery(?) ...don't ask... because I have NO idea!

Sensing my breaking point, my sister becomes the voice of reason... "Just buy a set of sheets and deal with the comforter ANOTHER day" followed by the thought in her head, I'm sure, 'Another day after I'm gone!')

Sheet's grabbed
Home too late to cook - Pizza ordered
Catch sister glancing at me with "Poor you" eyes
TOTALLY embarrassed and want to strangle daughter

I couldn't even complain to husband because then I would have had to have listened to a 35 minute lecture on why once again I should ~~obey~~ listen to him!!

I'm safe though sharing my story with you, because he never reads my blog on his own!!

The end of the story was much happier!

Sister and I go shopping ALONE... for OURSELVES!
Happen to find comforter set that will work
Buy comforter set
Daughter loves it
- I know because this is the look she gave me when I handed it to her:

What have we learned here:

There IS such a thing as being too accommodating to your kiddos...
15 year olds can be pains in the butts...
Occasionally, my husband is right
$3000. can do wonders for your smile *see pic above where daughter just got her braces off!!

Flash Dance Cards

2008-08-05T01:55:00.001-04:00

I get the distinct impression that my Husband thinks blogs are stupid...

He tries to be supportive, but I find myself disappointed with his reaction every time...
It usually goes something like, "Is that it?" or "oh"...

I don't think I'm being paranoid either.

Possibly, I've been using the wrong approach all along...
Maybe if I used some type of visual aid to ... well.... "aid" him to know when the appropriate time to chime in with positive feedback in the form of encouraging words and /or applause, it would be extremely helpful...

If only I could think of something that would really get his attention...
You know....
Other than my stimulating words...

I think I've just had a brainstorm!!!!

Not to be confused with a braincloud which is far less productive and far more common than the full blown 'storm' version...

I think that if after I share my blog-thoughts from now on...
Instead of having to say "That's it!", which is how I queue him to respond with obligatory oooo's and ahhhhs...
I will use a visual aid to facilitate my plan!!

If this idea works, I could start up a business
(business idea #496 to be exact... but who's counting)
where I create customized flashcards with images tailored to each husbands particular sensory triggers

Their primary purpose would be for the blogger to use on the blog-ee...
Here's how they would work -

Blogger reads blog aloud to blog-ee...
Blog-ee half listens and eyes occasionally glaze over...
Blogger whips out flashcards...
Blog-ee snaps to attention and responds appropriately!

Voila!

My prototype cards are customized to include a couple of my husbands "visual triggers"
I'll show them to you...
In NO particular order....

The first one looks like this -

Here is the other one that will work just as well -

Am I alone here?

What pictures would be on your flashcards?

Behind the Scenes - Photo Shoot - Girl Gone Wild...

2008-07-31T23:08:00.014-04:00

Any of you out there with teenage daughters, notice your document files getting more and more cluttered with 5 zillion pictures similar to these?

Digital photography has changed the way people approach picture taking these days...
Not like the old days with our Instamatics...

It's like every occasion has become an easy photo op...
Want to take 57 self portraits?
Why not!!
If you don't like 'em... Delete 'em!!
It's a cinch!!

Here's a few that I selected from the 100's that my daughter has taken over the summer...
Here she is at the beach...
(notice groovy chic glasses, covering up smudged mascara, worn to the beach... ahhh youth!!)

and this one...
in the car...
(notice brother not too excited about being included in the "photo shoot"-

You never know how many opportunities for being a shutter-bug with your dog you may be missing ...
You NEVER can have ENOUGH pics of yourself with your pooch...
Can you?!

Occasionally, when the lighting is JUST RIGHT in the "powder room"...
You just HAVE to take advantage of it...
Thus the 150 self portraits that were recently shot into the bathroom mirror...

Sometimes if you are lucky, a special guest may make an appearance too...

Who's turn was it to clean anyway?!
Check out that mirror!!
I mean REALLY daughter!!
Couldn't you have given it a quick wipe down first?!

HONESTLY!!!

Here's one of my recent favorites...
It was taken, on a boat while on vacation...
Picture #1 was taken when she didn't know I was actually taking a picture...
This look is one that she gives me quite often...

PICTURE #1

"Helllloooo! I'm trying to take your picture!!!"
Now, if you look REALLY close, you may notice the slight change in her facial expression here in picture #2

PICTURE #2

Gosh, I love that girl!!!

Blinded by the Light, Revved Up Like a...

2008-07-29T13:16:00.005-04:00

I read a disturbing news item this morning...
The article reported that more than 50 people in India have gone blind by looking directly into the sun for the virgin mary...

First of all,
what the heck would she be doing on the sun?
EVERYONE knows that the sun is an extremely hot place and that it is virtually uninhabitable!

AND... Even if, by some miracle she did live there... there is another problem with looking for her...
The sun is really far away... 94.5 million miles to be precise...
I can't even see my neighbors at the end of the block in their yard from my yard, which incidentally isn't even close to 1 mile away...

ALSO... what would have happened, if they did find her sitting right on the sun??
Would they have had t-shirts made up that said 'I STARED INTO THE SUN AND SPOTTED MARY AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS CRUMMY T-SHIRT AND FINALLY, I HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH STEVIE WONDER!!'

After the first few seconds of gazing at the sun and searching for her, wouldn't you just call it a day and assume that she isn't there?
I would...

I mean, at what point do you avert your eyes from the blinding light that is searing your retinas causing irreparable damage?

I, for one, like to learn from others mistakes...
After, oh, let's say the first dozen ~~lunatics~~ people went through similar experiences which included a fruitless search for the impossible which ended on a really BAD note...
Complete and utter blindness...
wouldn't you say to yourself, "Now THAT wasn't a very good idea!"

What do you suppose that #49 was thinking??
"Those other 48 idiots were doing it wrong!!"
or maybe
"I'm feeling lucky! After this.... I'll head on over to Vegas!!"

Didn't they ever listen to their mother telling them not to follow the crowd?
Please people!!!
Exercise some common sense!

Anyhow, haven't they ever been to little Italy?
You'll spot her easily in most neighborhood flower gardens...

Nocturnal Noises...

2008-07-27T10:07:00.003-04:00

I come from a big line or snore-ers...
My dad made snoring an art form and always added his own 'flavor' to his snoring...
It went something like this: KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK-Pooooooooooooo!

This of course made all of us go totally hysterical when we were kids...
It was always the same...
Extremely predictable...

My mom would snore occasionally too.
Although like everything my mother ever did, it was more lady-like and dignified...
Quieter, softer and nothing to laugh at...

By pure coincidence, I married a guy who snores as well...
His episodes seem to be cyclical and not at all reliable...

He's like the little girl with her curl...
When he doesn't do it, he's very, very quiet
But when he snores, he's LOUD!

Apparently, my snoring has become a bit worse lately...
I say 'apparently', because I never know I'm doing it, and quite frequently am accused of "disturbing" my husband, when I don't even think I am asleep yet...
You can't snore when you are awake.... right?

Unfortunately for me, I do not take after my Mom in the snoring department...
I'm told I am loud and can easily drown out most levels of volume on the bedroom television...

I wish that as long as I was going to create deafening sleep sounds, they could be more interesting at least...
Like a 3-stooges type of wood sawing-
kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk-meep-meep-meep-meep-meep!
That's classic!

Nyuck, Nyuck!!!

What about you?
Have you been accused of keeping the neighborhood awake at night with your nocturnal noise?
If so, what 'type' of snorer are you?
Loud?
Soft?
Or do you add your own flare, beyond the normal 'zzzzzzzzzzzzz'?

Our My Royal Proclaimation...

2008-07-25T00:05:00.003-04:00

Several weeks ago, my BFF Les announced that she was moving her herd to greener pastures which in her case is a larger house less than 3 miles from her present homestead...

I was caught up in all of her excitement which included more bedrooms, bathrooms and lake access
Actually, the lake access was my primary source of enthusiasm, followed by extra bathrooms, (which is actually an entire separate story left for another day... and I will warn you ahead of time, that it's NOT pretty!!)

Tony and I are movers extraordinaire...
I've proclaimed us such, simply based on the extraordinary number of moves we've executed for not only ourselves, but for any friends that have done the same.
(Tony HATES when I proclaim things... he thinks it's goofy...so he will usually try to discourage me doing so by saying something similar to what I've illustrated here...)

We're good at it...
That doesn't mean that we like it...
But we do it because that's the kind of friends we are...
That, and because Les has promised to make it worth our while, which in her case usually equates to food and drink...
Before you think badly of her, I should probably confess that we are totally satisfied with the arrangement...

We're "foodies"....what can I say?

I should also mention that we are the only friends who haven't made plans to get out of dodge on moving day...

A coincidence? I think NOT!!

Although, if I had lots of moolah, I would have headed for the hills by way of a second vacation too...

But our vacation quota was one, and we've already used it...
Les knew that...
So here we are...

Showing the entire world, once again, that we are entitled to ~~our~~ my proclamation...

PS - GREAT NEWS!! I just found out that they have signed a two year lease... which means at least two years before we'll have to once again, claim the title...
Honestly, can you imagine anyone wanting to take it from us?
We'll gladly give it to them without even putting up a fight...

Any challengers out there?

Please Pass the Jelly!!

2008-07-23T01:50:00.012-04:00

I hate to keep harping on and on about commercials that bug me...
It might give you the impression that all I ever do is watch tv...
Not true.

When I do, however, many times there are under 21's in the room if you know what I mean...
You know, people that don't really need to know about the igniting and exciting that KY Yours & Mine brags about on their ads...

I'm ALL for exciting and delighting... together igniting... don't get me wrong...

But I have teenagers in the house folks!!
I'm working really hard here to keep either of them from igniting, delighting or exciting...

I think that the manufacturers of any potion that you place "down there" should not be allowed to air the ads any time between 6 am and 5:45 am...

I'm pretty sure that they would catch all the menopausal women (pre-and post included) who are still awake or have slept for a couple of hours and inexplicably have woken up and have nothing better to do than to watch tv...
Trust me... I know...
There they have it!! Their target audience, all reached in a 15 minute window...

"Need Lube? Here's our cool his and hers that not only ignites... it also delights & excites! PLUS, the bottles glow in the dark!"

SOLD!

Bonus!! The air time would surely be cheaper then too!

Problem solved!

Neeeext....

*PLEASE DON'T FORGET OUR S.O.S. FOR VALERIE!!*
Read about it HERE

(Not So) Cultured Pearls From the Deep End...

2008-07-19T00:05:00.003-04:00

I'm feeling kind of old today...

As I stop by all of my favorite blogs, I am struck by the fact that I am the granny of the group...
Everyone seems to be talking about how "Sarah is now 23 months old now and is running me ragged, and little Parker is nearly 5 months and smiled 12 times today"...

Don't think I'm a hater or anything, but I am living a very different reality than all those young, perky moms...

For instance, NEVER do I say "Son #1 just turned 310 months and boy can he eat!! .... and don't even get me started on my 187 month old daughter's messy bedroom... Oh yeah, and she smiled exactly zero times today!"

Sheesh!

I've been where they are, but you only can relate to having teenagers and G.U.K.'s (grown-up kids) when you've actually experienced it...

I've narrowed my pearls of wisdom down to 5 basic truths (for whatever it's worth)

1. Once your child turns 2 years of age.... PLEASE for the love of GOD, stop referring to their age in terms of months!!! It just seems silly after 24... and we, O.M.'s (older mom's) laugh behind your back when you do it...

2. If your children are all still in elementary school, do yourself a favor and try not to convey to other, older parents that you have some sort of handle on this parenting gig.... WE know better, and readily admit that the parent-handle is like a greased pole.... you may get a grip on it for a second or two, but trust us... there is no holding onto it for any length of time!
If you do start to sound a little to high on your horse... we O.M.'s will find a way to knock you off, perhaps with a story about our kids that is so appalling that you are left speechless...
(as well as making mental notes as referred to in #5)

3. Don't tell us how exceptional your child is... we ALL think our kids are exceptional and will likely try to top your story with a better one that may include the fact that, we too, are exceptional and have an IQ that qualifies us for admission to Mensa...
(Stick THAT in your pipe and smoke it!)

4. When approaching your parents to do YOU a favor,
in the form of babysitting your child(ren)...
DON'T insult our intelligence by starting off by saying something like...
"I thought you might like to spend time with...."
It's called babysitting...
Yes, we LOVE our GTP's, but trying to sugar coat
your needs, is just plain annoying...
All O.M.'s with G.U.K.'s see through that immediately!!
Do yourself (and everyone else) a favor by taking a few seconds to think before approaching your parents or in-laws with this tactic

5. Never say never...

This should actually be pearl #1, because this may, in fact, be the biggest mistake that parents, whom have kids which have not yet grown up, past the point of parental adoration, make...
I know this from personal experience as I was the youngest child of a large family and had many opportunities prior to having my own kids, to make mental notes of all of the
things that my (yet to be conceived) children would NEVER DO!!

Take my word for it...
They will...
and perhaps more...

It's probably best if you never speak aloud those mental notes that you may be making about your neighbors older kids, or even your older nieces and nephews...
If you utter those words aloud, they will come back to haunt you...
If you've uttered them about our teens or G.U.K.'s, all of us O.M.'s will be waiting for your kids to screw up (and they will...maybe even worse than ours *gasp!*) to remind you of all of the ridiculous ramblings that you made before you knew better...
It won't help you out, but us O.M.'s will feel all warm and fuzzy, by doing so...

Now that you know these truths, go forth and multiply...
and try not to annoy any O.M.'s on the way...

*PLEASE DON'T FORGET OUR S.O.S. FOR VALERIE!!*
Read about it HERE

S.O.S....

2008-07-17T22:01:00.012-04:00

Once in a while, just when you are feeling good and sorry for yourself regarding any number of things life has slapped you upside the head with, God will slap you upside the other side of your head with something that I like to call, a "royal reality check"...

This week, I received a big one in the form of a young girls plight...

One of my good friends had called me and was sharing the story of her latest house guest whom she and her husband have opened their home to for the next five weeks, until she goes off to college...

She has earned a scholarship to the UCF (University of Central Florida)...
That is a feat that many have failed to accomplish under the best of circumstances!

While staying with our friends, she has secured a job at a local convenience store, where she will work until leaving for school at the end of August, to help her to cover some of her impending expenses... Her journey has been unbelievable!

She has displayed courage and a can-do attitude like I've never before witnessed... especially in such a young person, whom has faced many scary, very adult, problems...

The St. Pete Times featured her story back in May...
Please take a moment to read all about her by clicking HERE.

Things have gotten worse, believe it or not, since this article was published, as she was recently evicted from her housing, which is what led her to my friends door, through their church family...

The church has gathered donations which have been used to purchase some supplies which will help her set up housekeeping in her dorm...

But my friend, being the mother-hen that she is, has some serious concerns about Valerie heading off to school without enough money to take care of buying the basics that she will need... like textbooks, a laptop computer, and a meal plan to ensure that she will have 3 squares a day...

If anyone deserves a break, it's this girl...

I am hoping that one of you has some connections...

Like maybe you are Bill Gates 3rd cousin twice removed and you can beg him for a donated new laptop for her...
(or maybe you aren't related to Bill, but have a better idea on how to obtain a laptop for her)

Or perhaps, your next door neighbor works for a textbook printer and he can get her textbooks donated...

I figured that by spreading the word, someone out there may know someone who knows someone...
Like the old shampoo commercial...

If you tell two friends
about Fabarge Organics Shampoo
with wheat germ oil and honey,
they'll tell two friends,
and so on... and so on... and so on...

SO...

If I tell my friends about Valerie Perez,
and her need for a helping hand,
maybe they'll tell two friends
and so on...and so on...and so on...

Here's the bottom line...
This young woman was handed a load of sour lemons
and somehow,
she found the strength to make lemonade...

I'd love to help her to get off to a good start as she begins a new chapter in her life...
If any of you can help us to figure all of this out, it would be fantastic!

You can reach me at: thoughtsfromthedeepend@gmail.com

Just call me Grampy...if you must!

2008-07-15T22:58:00.011-04:00

I'm back!!!

What's that?
You forgot I was gone?

WHATEVER!!

I was all set to give you the run down on the whole camping trip...
I was going to sit right down here and post all kinds of interesting things that we did
For instance. while kayaking for the first time... we saw a large manatee!!
Very cool!!

Boating and beaching it...over our vacation...
We saw dolphins "doing it"...
Also, very cool (but I felt a little dirty afterward)...

I've missed you all and couldn't wait to communicate with all of my friends,
and for 6 seconds or so, I thought that maybe I'd still be able to do that...

BUT...
Todays plans changed at the last minute and Son #1
needed a sitter for GTP #2...

UNTIL...
the 7 trillion times that I was addressed today (by the wrong name I might add)

"Grampy! Look at me!"
"I'm Grammy! Can you say 'Grammy'?"
"Uh-Huh.... Throw the ball to me Grampy!"
"No, it's G-R-A-M-M-Y honey. Can you say that?"
"Uh-Huh... Hey Grampy! Play cars with me!"
"It's G-R-A.... Oh never mind! Sure! I LOVE to play cars"

3 seconds later:

"Grampy! Chase me!

18 seconds later:
"Grampy! Can I have a yogurt?
Oops! I just tooted..."
"Yes and Euuuwwwww!"

But take one look at this face and you'll understand why he won my undivided attention today...

Perhaps tomorrow, I'll be free to share about the snake bite
Ferry and Tay’s daughter received on her foot...

and how the same snake proceeded to bite Ferry repeatedly on the hand when he picked it up to show her how harmless it was...

That is, unless that sweet little man, who calls me Grampy, wants to hang out with me again...

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye ('til Tuesday)...

2008-07-09T08:48:00.005-04:00

I'm off until next Tuesday, dear friends...
I'll give you a hint, as to my game plan, until then...

You guessed it!
We're heading to to the beach along with Ferry and Tay, who are also our camping buds...

Yes sirree! I plan to come back to you a little tanner, a little bit fresher and with loads of stories...
The pressure is on anyone I spend time with these days to be "on"...
I mean, if they want to make "The Blog"....
They know they better bring their A-Game...
I tell them constantly, "give me something to work with people!" (or you won't make the cut!)

They never let me down though...
My friends are always there...
And oddly enough, strangers even are there for me and don't even know it!!
Like Grocery Cart Lady, for instance...
She had NO IDEA how much she impacted my life (as well as the support pole!)

Have a great week!
I'll see you Tuesday!!

;)
Jackie

PS - BFF has left on a month long "holiday" (more Brit-speak) and left me behind while she spends time in England, Germany and Austria...
I just hope she doesn't come home with a hankering to yodel and dress like them....
Because I really don't think lederhosen would do a thing for her!!